How do we enjoy our own company?

I love being alone. I am alone, but happy. Yes indeed! Oh yes, I am. It's my favorite thing. How do we get to this point? First of all, let's establish that you're the coolest person ever, that you love you. Now, if you Don't Love You, then you're not going to enjoy being with you.

We like to be with people we like to be with. So get yourself together and make yourself cool enough that you want to spend time with you.

When you get yourself all together, meaning Mind, body, and spirit, and you're not in conflict when you are at your best, you're being who you are, then you're going to agree with yourself.

About what to eat, and where to go. You're not going to have a fear of loneliness because "Hey, I am not alone. I am with the coolest person ever. Whatever, how can I not love this?"

Can I go to a movie myself? 

(I tested myself out because I really like to take my own advice.) Well, years ago I had kids running around, my husband was working and I really wanted to see a certain movie. I remember the day I decided to go by myself. I remember the day I felt stupid. I walked into the theater, I went up to the guy, and I said, "I really have lots of kids and a husband. I'm just coming because I want to see the movie."

I felt as though I had to make an excuse for this teenager that's working and selling me a ticket.

Then when I went in, I had to hide in the back! I felt so stupid. Everyone in there had somebody they were with. Oh my gosh! I did it the next week and the next week and then it happened. I felt less stupid. I felt less self-conscious. Well, let's just fast forward to today, let me tell you how it is. This is what I do, and I'm sorry, not sorry, I kind of like me more than I like anyone else. That's not vain, there's a difference. I am not cooler or better than anyone, but for me, I agree with me more than anyone else does. There's no one else that is exactly going to agree with me on everything except me. Now, of course, you've got to overcome self-sabotage and the negative thoughts in your head.

I'm not fighting with myself

I want to exercise, I don't. I want to eat this, I don't. That's the first step is overcome that stuff, so you're congruent. How cool it is to go on a date with the coolest person you can think of?

Date Night

I get myself dressed up and about once a month I go out to a nice restaurant by myself. I sit down with linen napkins.

I don't make excuses anymore

I order my glass of wine, and guess what? I can drink any type I want and I can throw food away, I can eat messily, I can get up and go to the bathroom if I want. It's the best thing ever. I can just eat a lot and no one will say, "oh, you're going to eat all that," and I don't have to use manners! Just kidding, within reason. Then after I'm done eating, I want to go to a movie, so I do! I go to a movie. I am able to even go to a movie on Friday night. That used to be always date night. I get right in line with all the other couples, buy my ticket, get all the butter I want on my popcorn.

A brief Interlude on my relationship with movie theater popcorn butter

Which is obscene. It has to be enough that my fingers are so greasy they drip. I know it's gross, but it's my thing, and you'll hear it probably more than once. It's my thing popcorn with triple butter or as I like to say, "Yes, I'd like popcorn with an obscene amount of butter, please." It's my one food thing, It's my comfort food, It's the only one I have like that. So thankfully I don't do it every day and watch the movie.

Seriously, the other day, I have to divulge, I was in a funk and when you're with anyone else then there are opinions that are going to come at you that isn't yours. That's fine for a lot of my life. I'm a super social person and I have millions of friends. But I want to hear myself think that's why I want to go out with the cool, girl me. I can hear myself think.

Taking some ‘You” time

It was over Christmas time, I was in a little bit of a funk and I couldn't get out of it. I usually can, which was kind of weird. I went through a really bad experience this past year, it was replaying and looping in my head. I thought “I want to go see Mary Poppins,” and then I thought of all the hundreds of people I could call and they'd probably all say yes and all my grandkids would want to go, but I just need to go by myself. I walked in, I said, "one please, yes one." I walked in with my popcorn. I sat there, I watched Mary Poppins. There were times I cried, times I laughed. I was so edified, so uplifted,

I was so present with the messages. I was so grateful

It just affected me and no one was next to me, talking to me, to intrude in my little ability to hear myself feel and think. The movie was over, my mood had gone from a low to a high. I was just elated. I thought, "I don't want to go home yet. Not In the mood for society today. I'll see, what other movies are on? Nothing. Oh gosh dang it, what can I just sit through? Well fine, I'll go to the Grinch. Can I have another ticket for one?" The same guy sold it to me. I went into the Grinch and because I was present with the coolest girl ever that agrees with everything I think and do. I should marry her, we're so much alike. I watched the Grinch and I was edified and uplifted. I'd never seen the Grinch in that same way, it was so beautiful.

How do you enjoy your own company? By being the coolest person you know?

Then I came home from the movie, it was so wonderful to make a little dinner for myself that I wanted to eat. As mothers, grandmothers, grandparents, people who are fifty plus, isn't our life full of service? That's almost all I did up until about now. I intend to have the best years of my life now and spend time with me, get to know me because when I know me, I'm better for you. That helps me be my best and highest good, which is the entire reason we're on this earth is to be our best and highest good. That's all my parents wanted for me, and that's all God wants for me.

That's all I want for my children, is to be their best and highest good

What can you do to go out of your comfort zone this week?

Can you spend time with the coolest person in the world? Yes, you can, make a decision, put it in, go do it. Have a great time and tomorrow you can call your friends, make new friends, be on social media, or go on a meetup. Have a great date tonight, it'll be awesome. Have so much fun and live those best years enjoying your own company, and others when you choose it! Have a great evening. Talk soon!

Learning to not still be afraid of mom's opinion after 50, hmmm?

Are you dealing with a difficult parent in adulthood? If so, listen up! Today is a very important topic. Are you dealing with difficult parents? Do you have controlling parents in adulthood, which is different than controlling parents when you're young, and you live at home. How to deal with those stubborn aging parents? Aren't they just stubborn? What do you do about that? We've been taught to respect our parents, respect their parents, respect ALL parents. In every culture, people are taught to respect parents and elders. Well, what does that even mean? Do you respect them? What do you do if your parents hate you? Do you respect them? Let's talk today about how roles and job descriptions change and shift throughout the lifespan, and how if you're over 40 50 you have a different job than you had when you were a young child under their care.

Although the unconscious of mind is alive, well and doesn't know the difference of age, it will trigger you right back to when you were three. It will trigger you right back to when were ten, and/or sixteen being controlled by your parents.

I have had 40, 50, 60-year-old men and women in my office sitting on the couch sobbing, because of a memory of what their parents when they were five triggered them.

I had a client the other day that showed up to his elderly father's house with a ladder. My client is fifty. He was climbing the ladder and the dad came out and said, "Be careful. Be careful! No, don't do it that way! You've got to lean over." My client was thought, "are you kidding?" I have a male friend whose mom always says something along the lines of, "take care of my baby."

She calls her 60-year-old son, her "baby," "my baby." "I hope my baby doesn't get hurt." He was going out of town, and she says, "I hope my baby doesn't get hurt." We all looked at her and said, "your baby?"

"Yeah, he's my only child."

"Okay, he's your baby." He's sixty so what does this son do with that? He just says, "Huh, my mom's cute"? or does it devastate him? Does it make him feel less than, or feel younger? Like a little "baby" and you are sixty. These are all really common situations and if you have the things I'm mentioning, it's common and it doesn't feel good. It's discounting. It makes it hard to live in the present moment and be where you are in your age with your kids and your grandkids when you're called "sweetie pie" or "baby."

If this is a problem for you, let's fix it today. Now.

Your mind will change by the end of this podcast dramatically. Let's start with the fact that when you were little, you looked up to your parents. I do something in a workshop where I have people pair off and then I have one of them be the parent and one the child. I have the "child" kneel down and look up at the other as though she is the parent and look up to that woman who's five two. "My mommy's so big" and it's a huge A-ha moment. How big is your mom? Who's five feet tall? She's a giant! What if she or he's six feet tall. What if she raised her hand to you? What if she points her finger at you and you're just little looking up? It's really, really intimidating. In addition, your parents fed you, wiped your little bottom, told you what to wear, and did everything for you.

18 years is like nothing. Look back 18 years, Bam. Wasn't that just yesterday? You're only in their home for 18-ish years. Why is it that there's such an effect on you forever with the things and the meanings that you made?

It's all about the meanings and beliefs that you made. 

I have other posts really explaining unconscious dynamics and inner child work. For today, we're going to do a behavioral exercise that, as I said, will shift the way you think in terms of roles.

Boundaries.

Before we get to that exercise, what is the balance between respecting your parents and setting boundaries? We're going to start there. In order to keep respect for your parent who's off base, we need to set boundaries with correct verbiage such as "mom" or "dad, I need you to," or "I need you to not talk about the divorce at Thanksgiving, or I'll leave."

For example, "this works for me." "This doesn't work for me." "It works for me when I come over and we get busy with what we're going to do. It doesn't work for me When you complain a lot, it really makes me feel bad." Or "I need you to not criticize me," or "Mom, I've decided if you're critical, I'm not coming over." I get that you can't do that or you would have done it already, previous to this post. How do you do that? It is so scary! I mean it with all the respect. It is scary. It's almost like something horrible is just going to happen. If you say that to your parent, even though it is a boundary and it's respectful, it still doesn't feel like it. I get it so much. I have three specific friends that are good friends that struggle with this and then `I have just many clients that struggle with this as well.

Keep those boundaries in mind. The verbiage included and hold onto them for just a minute. Let me help you out with how to say them. I want you to establish, right now, say it out loud, or you can write a sticky note and put it on your wall, 10 times. "I'm not my mom, I'm not my dad. They are not me. My mom is not me. My Dad is not me. I'm not my parents.

My responsibility is, me and my family and my business. 

My parents are my responsibility in some ways in terms of taking care of them specifically, but I don't need to take in what they say." As I mentioned, the roles change as you age and as that occurs, a normal parent, adult child relationship is different than a child-parent relationship, but how do you change it?

Here's my exercise.

If you could imagine seeing me. I'm having both of my hands in front of me. Elbows out and spread fingers, fingertip to fingertip. My palm is parallel to the floor so my elbows are out, my fingers are touching and my palms are facing the floor. Now I'm going to take my right hand up about eye level, about forehead level, and my left hand down to about chest level. The bottom one is a child. The top one is the parent. The person on the top of the parent has all the responsibility of this relationship when the child is one. When the child is two, the parent(s) still has all the responsibility for this relationship. All of it. If my child is mean or rude or screams, I still as a parent have all the responsibility to be patient, I can't say, well, he's being rude, so I'm going to be rude back. No, no, no, no.

You have all the responsibility to be the adult now as the child ages, and I'm gonna raise my left hand up to neck height. Let's say he's ten or twelve. He has a little more responsibility in the relationship, but the parents still have what? ninety-seven, ninety-eight percent? My twelve year old's shouting, "mom, you're stupid, I hate you, blah, blah, blah?" The parents still have the responsibility to be the adult and are in charge of that relationship and understanding that, that child is going through developmental stages. As the child grows up, they come closer and the right-hand goes down, left hand comes up and let's say your kid's eighteen and they're being naughty or difficult. Well, you know what? You have a little bit of responsibility now sweetie, as a child. Your parent doesn't have all the responsibility anymore. They have most of it because the right hand is, it was about a foot higher than the left side; but, at eighteen, the kid's got some responsibility. Not full responsibility. Because they still don't know what they're doing.

Not that the parent does either! Let's just say they know more. The child's still acting out and the parent seeks coaching, counseling, spiritual help, books, tapes, songs, resources, groups to help them be a better parent of an 18-year-old.

The eighteen year old continues in life and up she comes with a little more wherewithal. A little more thought, a little more life experience, more education, and they continue upward. Now there are about four inches below the parent in the terms of responsibility. The child now has more responsibility. You, the child, are now twenty-six years old. You've been out of the house for a few years, you've got a job and you're getting married. Then guess what? You have all the shared responsibility. If we get in a funk, the child has responsibility for repairing the relationship or reaching out or calling mom to see how she is instead of always mommy or daddy calling. the parent responsibility to reciprocate as the child ages.

In my experience, because I have five children, four stepchildren and a lot of experience. (My kids range from twenty-six to forty-one.) I'm thinking around age thirty-ish to thirty-five, my fingertips are matching now. There is a reciprocal relationship. The kid has as much responsibility in this relationship as the parent. If you're in a funk, there's equal responsibility. Just like you and your ladies. You and your girlfriends. Who has responsibility for the relationship?

You both do, equally. 

If it's not reciprocal, I don't want to be friends with that person if I'm always the one that has to reach out, repair, communicate. How about always the one asking her to go to lunch? It needs to be reciprocal, not only in a funk but also in good times. So, now the child has equal responsibility. You are the child. Your age, 50. You're level with your parent.

What now?

What happens when you become 40, 50, 60? Then the left-hand goes above the right hand. The right-hand goes down, the left hand comes up because you, the child, have more responsibility in the relationship than the parent. Because the child, you, are still going to school, or you're learning. You know technology, you're moving. Your parents are more stable, they're in their home, they haven't moved for forty years and they're not learning new resources. They're stuck in their ways. You as a child have much more responsibility in this relationship then they do. With that in mind, they say, you're my "baby", "don't get hurt." To which you just say, "Ha, you're cute mom, wink, wink! My mom cracks me up. It's so cute!" And it doesn't affect you because you have more responsibility. She's almost like a child. As the parent ages, and you become older and older, pretty soon your parents are elderly. They don't know much in the ways of how the world currently works; however, they do have wisdom.

But they don't know specifically if you should buy that car or not.

They don't know specifically if you should go back to school or not. They don't know those things. When they get older and older they only know that love, faith, their religion, (maybe they know that) parenting are important. They know basic principles. Yes, the elderly are wise and we feast at their feet. Just not in the details of life anymore, because life has changed. We do our work over the phone instead of in person. We are always texting. We have social media. We're flying across the country. "Why do you always fly across the country and leave me?" Then you look at your mom and say, "I'm sorry mom, that must be hard on you, I love you." You're the adult now. Doesn't that feel good? The roles change and when you understand you have more responsibility in the relationship, you can use the verbiage, "Mom, I need you to... What works for me to do is... What works not for me or what doesn't work for me..., I've decided...." You can say the verbiage of setting boundaries that are nice and they're firm. They're respectful and they're firm.

Your parents don't have power over you anymore. Take what works from your childhood. Breathe it in. Be grateful for the things that helped you bloom in your life. Be grateful for there's always a nugget of something you can take from a bad relationship with your parents. You can always take something of what you're going to change when you become a parent.

How to deal with parents? How you do it? 

You recognize you have more responsibility in the relationship than they do. With that you can love them with all the love of creation and be grateful that they came first their stinky little ways, they're honoring us, and all of their controlling needs that they have. That's their stuff, not yours. You are not your parents. You are you. You're a beautiful person.

I hope this has helped you. I'd love comments below and let me know how this has helped you so we can help others. I hope that you have a really great day and are able to integrate what I've shared with you and make yourself a better day and live the best years of your life, in taking care of those beautiful elderly parents can be beautiful with all that occurs. Thank you. We'll talk soon.

I'm getting ready to go the gym in just a little bit and I thought, "you know, I'm going to take a minute to share one of the most important things in my life." How to declutter your mind quickly.

Who needs that? Just baby boomers or everybody? I think everyone does. How much do you need to declutter your mind? 1 to 10. 0 being, "I don't need to declutter my room or my mind because I am literally organized and everything's in order." 10 would be, "Oh and no, no, no. Just a minute. What? Wait, what did you say? Wait. I wasn't listening." On a scale from one to 10 where are you right now?

I know that on a scale from one to 10 I need this process probably more than anything I teach ever. I need it more than self-esteem. I need it more than anything. There is a whole lot of stuff going on in my mind. Just tons of stuff going on in my mind.

Let's get busy 

Let's get busy quickly on the goal and I promise you whatever you are, 1 to 10, you will be more organized by the time we're done with this read by far and away. You'll probably end up to be 0 to 3 or 4 at the most. Are you ready? Okay.

First thing 

I want you to do is to listen carefully and do a lot of visualization. If you're sitting in your room, maybe you can get a piece of paper and a pencil. If you're doing it in your mind what you want to do is think about everything going on in the conscious mind right now. Not the unconscious retrieval stuff, but in your mind right now that wants attention in the conscious mind.

The conscious mind 

The conscious mind is The Little Mermaid and she is in her grotto with all her treasures and she is playing with them. "Look at this stuff. Isn't it neat?" She's looking at everything. What she's actively focusing on is a conscious mind. Everything else is in the unconscious mind. She knows what is there and that she could retrieve it, but on the conscious mind, what you're currently focused on is the conscious mind. Go ahead and think for a minute. Write it down or think about it. Thinking about all those things, your taxes, your to-do list for today, this person is calling, and lots and lots on your conscious mind.

When I do this in my office with clients, most commonly, they will take a literal legal pad and fill up two columns. One or two pages. On the conscious mind, all of those things are trying to get attention. It's like everyone raising their hand asking for a drink of water and that's too many because there's only one fountain. You need to line them all up. I'm going to share with you what to do about this. Let me explain to you how the conscious mind is different than the unconscious mind.

According to research, as you may know, the unconscious mind is almost unlimited. There's no capacity limit that any of us know about. We can continue to learn as long as our neurological pathways will respond to stimulus so we can continue to grow, change and learn. The conscious mind, in contrast, has a super limitation and the limitation is it can't process, very many things at the same time. Studies show that you can actually only process one thing at a time.

You're thinking of multitasking and you're saying, "but, but, but I'm really good at that!" Well, the facts are, if you're good at multitasking, you're actually flipping from one thing to the next so fast. It seems like you're doing it at the same time. For the sake of this conversation, to simplify it, let's just say, okay, fine. We can think of a few things at the same time-ish, and how many of those things can we think about at the same time? Let's count them.

You're reading my words to me. As you're reading, intently thinking, "my life's going to change in the next 10 minutes." Then, you get a text that DINGs and you check it, you can still read my words while you're listening to that text alert. Then you think, "oh my gosh, I've got to go and get groceries." Well, you can think of those three things at the same time, can't you? Yeah, you can and then what's going to happen? Oh, there's a siren that goes by, so you need to close the window. You can still read. You still know the text that came in and you know what you're going to be cooking it in just an hour or so and you can sit there and wonder how the family is, you know, or something bad or why is there a siren?

There are about five bits of information that your unconscious can process at the same time. It's really not the same time, but it seems like the same time. The scientific formula, is seven plus or minus two bits of information at once that the conscious mind can process. The conscious mind can process seven plus or minus two bits of information at the same time. If you take seven plus two that would be nine minus two is fine. The conscious mind can hold about five to nine bits of information at the same time.

If you can do nine, it starting to get a little more into the subconscious. Let's just go with five. Let's just say you can think of about five things at once on the conscious level, how many did you write down? If you only wrote two down, you don't need this advice. You'll be one of the Zen masters who have everything organized. But if you wrote down more than five things, then you need to keep listening and applying this as I do.

If I wrote down all the things on my conscious mind, it's scary, like a horror movie scary thing. With sound effects, and then a subwoofer, and then there's a dark blue shadow that goes by, and then there are light things that come by, and then there are angels singing because so much of my life is just so good!

Tupperware containers

We have this big list. We have five categories that we need to break this big list into. The five categories are work, logistics, health, family, social. You've got these categories in your mind and I'm going to take a sharpie marker and write the name of the categories on each new list. I've got work and logistics for me now. We're going to take the five categories in, line them up and everything on your list, you're going to project into the category.

Let's do Work first. project, everything. When I put an item from the list into my "Tupperware" then my mind can start to clean up and it feels so nice!

Rinse and repeat 

Then I have personal health, personal health. For me, personal slash, health, I had terrible health issues. I was suicidal for a very brief moment in my life and almost ruined my liver with medication. Would have had a separate container for that. But because it's all taken care of now in a really great way, through a process that I've been through for many years, I have no health issues that I know of that are showing up. I'm going to put personal, emotional things, or working out the gym with health. So personal and health are kind of together. Continue going with your categories. Which categories do you have? Do you have hobbies that need to be a whole category?

Now what? 

So, you make each category nicely here, you'll say, "Now what do I do? I feel so much better." Take a minute to introspect. Put your feet on the ground allow Mother Earth to support you and energetically connect with her. Open the top of your head, and connect to source and hire enlightenment and knowledge. Feel your heart beating. Notice what thoughts do I have in my conscious mind? Any remanence goes ahead and set them where they go.

You have your five containers. Now, what do you do? Do you have a better mental focus right now? Do you have better brain focus right now? Yes, you do. For those of you are hearing this for the first time, you should feel markedly different if you are used to my work, this will clear this all up right now and you can go forward with your life.

Don’t discard all that you have just done! 

I want you to take your Tupperware and stack them. Stack them however deep they are. All of this is your conscious mind stuff. We're not getting rid of anything. We're not throwing anything away. We're just organizing your clutter. Notice what it's like. What if you put your stack back here? That's got to feel bad and weird. The best place is usually about right in eye site but off the side. I can see you and I can see who I need to talk to. I can see my friends. The best gift you can give your friends is your presence. When the time is right, I will take the one that says work and bring it up and work with all of it and I'm so freaking focused. I actually have organized thinking techniques that are just rocking and rolling right now. Nothing else but work. It's a beautiful thing. Then I put it back. Next, I'm going to pull out my family.

Have a presence with your family. Clutter and anxiety go together. You now have peace and presence with your family. Put everything back in, it's time to go to bed.

True peace of mind 

Your mind is free and clear to sleep, to rejuvenate until tomorrow. These topics can change often. I have to stop myself often and take a moment to check where are all my thoughts. Which categories do I have? Which way are we doing it? Again, put them where they need to go and then go forward with presence.

I love knowing how to do this. Thank you universe for showing me how to mentally file my thoughts and declutter in just the right way. To have the brain power and focus that helps me become my best and highest good. As you do this, notice how it feels. Feeling good is a good thing. I appreciate you for who you are and thank you very much for letting me be part of your life. Have a great day. Talk soon.

Do you know?  Who knows? Well, I think I actually have a few ideas for you.

The age-old question: What’s love? 

If you put up on Facebook, "define love," you're going to get many, many different answers. Take a survey! Ask a hundred people today.

What is love? Webster says it's an intense feeling of deep affection. Okay, wait, I love my dog. So I love, or ​Am I in Love or am I just loving?

Is this love a feeling? 

What does love mean in a relationship? 

Deep Romantic, sexual attraction attachment to someone is another definition online, but that still doesn't sum it up. What is love?

I'm going to help you

I've thought greatly about this for a really long time. Many years. I'm a very loving person and there are a couple of levels that I'd like to share with you. I'd like to share with you the human definitions, the emotional definitions and then the spiritual definitions.

Human  

My brother, who has a degree in computer graphics and not psychology, once summed it up better than any I've ever heard and I'm going with it. I'm going to share it with you now--

Love means I care how someone feels

Love is when you care how someone feels. 

Isn't that interesting? We typically think, "I love him because I feel so great around him/her. I love this person, this thing, or this animal." Then we ask,

"What is it to be in love as well?"

I have another post called Am In Love? Check that one out because that's got lots of good information. For now. Do you find love?

Love is when you care how someone feels. 

Emotional 

If your neighbor told you his son was rushed to the hospital, you would probably care. How much would you care? Would you leave work? Would you be sick? Could you eat?

What if your son or parent or loved one was rushed to the hospital. H6-4

How much would you care?

There you go. There's a difference because you don't love my son as much as I love my son. When I care how I feel around somebody or something I feel love. Powerful, but if we switch it around,

How beautiful is this that you care how they feel?

Spiritual 

When you're dating someone and you're deciding if you love them, how much do you care how they feel? How much do you care how your mom feels? One to 10.

How connected are you?

"I don't like my mom!" A lot of people tell me that. Then that person is at a 2. They don't really care anymore. I had a friend who didn't go to her dad's funeral.

She doesn't care. 

She had so much hurt, she didn't care how he would have felt about her presence.

How much do you care for my mom? I care about how my mom feels. 10! How much do you love my dog? Huh? You don't really care if my dog is sad? I do. I care so much about how my dog feels, it is a bit sick.

It's almost scary.

I care so much how Tink feels right now, that if she was cold I would collapse.

Daily Thought 

As you go through your day, ask the question, "how much do I care how that person feels?" Even your grandkids!

How much do you care how they feel? 

That's how you know what love is. 

Please give me comments below and feedback. I'd love to hear who you think you love and what you've experienced and how you switch it around to really know what it's like to care how someone feels.  

Check out my post where I talk about an intense relationship I had and I answer the question "Can I Love Again?''

Have you ever been just going about your day and you notice that you're just in a bad mood?

You have this kind of negative attitude. You may be the grocery store, maybe at the gym, and you just have this negative mindset. If you really stop and step back, then you notice you kind of have automatic negative thoughts, but where are they coming from?

How do I Change It? 

If you stop and listen . . . that's the skill here. Those power skills I talk about. Number one stop and listen. Stop. Write that down. Number one stop. Step back and then you notice that they are intrusive thoughts.

You hear yourself saying you're not good enough. You can't do that. That'll never happen. Why do you think you can do that? It's very common. Most of us walk around with negative voices in our head. We're just not aware of it. That's the skill is stopping, stepping back in, becoming aware. Otherwise, it just shows up as a bad mood. When we learn to control this type of experience your Self Worth will increase. I promise you and you'll stop having negative thoughts. But how do we start?

“Stop, Collaborate and Listen” 

Number one is you stop, listen, and notice. NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming) is one of the power skills and tools that I have. What is NLP? It's a way of understanding the unconscious mind and bring into a conscious mind to understand what's going on. The conscious mind is anything that you're noticing right now. It is like the Little Mermaid in her cavern with her friends. She sings, "look at this stuff, isn't it neat?" She's going over all her human treasures and everything that she's focused on is the conscious mind. everything else is the unconscious.

If you're at the grocery store, and you find that you have this bad mood, negative attitude, it's because your conscious mind has which kind of cereal you're going to get, if yogurt is good for you, because you never know what's good for you anymore, and what kind of hidden sugar you shouldn't eat. That's a conscious mind. The unconscious is doing its thing that, but you don't know it. As you step back, how do you find the unconscious? With NLP, there's an exercise, a strategy of finding where the voices occur in your experience.

If you've worked with me before, you'll go, okay, yeah, let's, let's do this. If you've never heard this, hang out. Each time you hear more of what I teach, you'll understand more about what NLP is and how to recognize what's going on at an unconscious level. So, step back, I'd like you to close your eyes if you can, and notice where that voice is coming from. What is it saying? Where? I mean, is it more in the right ear, more in the left ear? Is it more a full body experience? Is it smashing me in the face?

I remember when my teenagers would say mean things to me. It's as though they took a knife and went right in my forehead. Then it was like a pressure in my heart. But the sound would be sharp my ears. Then if I think of someone saying something that I love to hear, it's like a rolling, smooth, symmetrical sound in both ears. Is this making sense to you? When we have an echo in our mind, we have this experience of how we receive the auditory sound. If you're not completely aware, you are fine for now. Just notice if it is more in your right or left. Is it more coming down, coming in, coming out? If you're aware, if not, just go. Not quite sure, yet.

What Is It Saying? 

Next, what is it that you hear? Let's say you hear your spouse, your father saying something like you're not good enough. Recognize. Step two is recognizing. What are they saying? What's the sound? You might say, it's my voice and almost all my clients say, "well it's my voice." I say, really listen to it again. 99.9% of every client who says they have these echoing negative thoughts.

Who Is Doing the Talking? 

This is the key. It's not their own voice. It's someone else's voice. What are you hearing? What's the negative sound in there? Whose voice is that?

Quick Review 

Step one, stop, (step back, lay back, sitting down) Step two, what is the voice saying? Step three, whose voice is it? Like, I said, it's most likely not your voice, but we morph it into our voice. If your dad says, "You're not good enough, you'll probably morph it into, "Well, I'm not good enough," instead of "you're not good enough" because that's what we do while we're shopping at the grocery store. The unconscious is just doing its thing and it switches the words from you to I. Very interesting. This is what we do now that you've (1) stopped, you (2) noticed what it's saying, (3) you notice who is saying it and kind of where it's coming from.

Let’s Turn It Around! 

Now, as you become aware, this is a learning curve in a skill. When you're very aware of these things,

Take Charge 

I'd like you to, grab those voices gently with your hand wherever they are. Grabbing with your hands, put the voice in your one hand and bring your hand in front of you. The voice is now coming from in front of you. All of a sudden, it changes and it sounds different now, doesn't it? The sound is different. It might already be better, and we're done! Or you can still kind of hear it. Just moving it in your mind, you'll have a different experience. I promise you. Next step, if it's still bugging you, is to hear it again.

Repeat Step One 

"You're not good enough." Notice it says "you're not good enough" instead of "I." What do you own about that? What do you want to keep? Do you want to keep "I am not good enough" or do you want to keep "I am good enough" or do you want to keep, "Well, I'm good enough for the things. I'm good at." (I like that last one.) 

Talk It Out 

What you do is have a little conversation with yourself about what you want to keep about the voice and you switch it to make it yours. That's the skill and tool. That's why private sessions and or small groups are great with me. We can really determine if you're not able to hear, yet. If you're not, then attempted again the next day and the next until this is a skill you have. It's really powerful and it's wonderful. I wouldn't be alive without this wonderful exercise at all. It's a beautiful thing.

Own It 

What do I want to own about, "You're not good enough."? What do I want to keep? I'm going to keep, "I am good enough for the things I'm good at." And, "I'm getting better at other things." You don't want to throw the baby out with the bathwater and just chuck this voice because it's your voice that's ringing in your mind. It was your dad's mouth that said it, but the echo you choose to keep. As you choose to keep the Echo, you realize your unconscious kept the echo for a reason and the unconscious mind isn't all that smart on a conscious level. It kept it all warped. We're going to fix it.

I'm going to keep, "I am good enough with the things I'm good at." So, as you hold the baby in the bathwater, metaphorically, in your hand, you're going to pull with the other hand. You're just going to pull. You're not going to take it all, but pull, grab what you want to keep, put it in your mouth and breathe it in. Then speak with your out your own, actual voice, "I am good enough for the things I am good at and I choose what I want to be good at." Say it again. "I am good enough for what I choose to do." And it starts to morph. "I am good enough for what I want to be good at." Say it some more. Say it again. "I am good enough." Say it again. Clear your throat. Say it again. Louder! "I am kind enough!" Say it again. "I am good." And again "I am good." Until you have a full body yes. It's your voice now. There's no more echo.

Be You, and Don't Fight It 

It's who you are. Isn't it interesting that as you turn off negative voices, as you overcome intrusive thoughts, you can notice how your moods will elevate and you can make your own choices going forward in life, living as you choose? How was that for you?

I'd love comments. Make sure you subscribe to my podcast, make comments and let me know how that was for you and NLP, (neuro-linguistic programming) the skills and tools there will help you in so many ways. Have a great rest of the day. Thanks for joining talk soon Dar-lings

Are you considering going back to college now? Are you too old? 

Well, if you're wondering if you're too old, you could also wonder if you are too short or too tall to do it, or you are too white, are you too black? You know what I'm going to say next. It doesn't matter. You do what you want to do. Baby boomers are booming and doing what they want and what they feel they can. Are you healthy? Is your mind alert? Do you want your mind to be more alert? Well, going to college is the best way to get your mind alert. Even if you don't go after a degree. Degrees are wonderful. I have a story for you about me and it's actually quite a good example, I must say. I share it with my students.

I teach college right now and I love it. I tell my college students, if I had $1 billion this very day, I'd still be teaching them. I love teaching. I love it. I love the journey that I've taken for the education that I have; that I am able to do what I love and there are no doors that are closed to me. The only doors that are closed to me are the ones I choose to close by moving far away or not wanting to walk so far or not wanting to do that job description. I like being an adjunct professor where I can pop in and pop out.

My Story Begins at Age 19 

I took my first college class. After about six months in the field of performing arts including dance, I got in a traumatic accident with my best friend. (That's another story about my health and all that I went through) I had to drop out, obviously, from gymnastics, dance, all of it. I was broken.

I was in a sling, I had a broken back, a broken collarbone and my friend was not there anymore. She died and I watched her die. Soon after that, I got married. I was married young at 19 and had kids right away. My dad always said, "Darly get an education." He said, "Darly, Vaughn, Lamar, Rex," gathered the kids around and said, "my dad's dying." And with my dad's dad's dying breath said, "Verl, get an education." My dad, Verl Taylor, did not stop until he got his bachelor's degree. That's just what we do in our family.

Get An Education

There I was, with this broken body. no longer able to do what I had planned. What should I change my major to be? There are many factors beyond having the broken body, such as difficult in-laws, relationships, friends . . . . I always wondered as we all do, why they do that thing. Why them? And it clicked! I thought I'm going to go into psychology. Almost like bells and whistles going off in my head one night! I woke up, thinking, "I'm doing it ." I was 19. Now you might be thinking, "well, gosh, I'm 54. I wonder what you're gonna say now?" You're going to like what I say now.

I started with classes and classes, but then I got pregnant. Then I took classes one at a time. Then I got pregnant again. I was throwing up in the bathroom and then I'd come back to class. I had the baby and then I still took one class at a time, which just edified my life. I felt uplifted, edified. I felt smarter when we all went to dinner. I had something to say with one class at a time. I got pregnant again and then kept going to school and then I got pregnant again! By now I'm embarrassed. I'm a baby factory, judge me all you want! I did want a lot of kids. They just came kind of quick. This kept going on and I ended up with five children and classes one at a time. My family is always first and always will be. Even today.

How did I do it? 

I want you to get a calculator, and think. It's 90 something credits per degree. Divide that by semesters or quarters on how many classes you can take with maybe three, four classes at a time. If you do the math, guess how many years it takes to get a degree, one class at a time? It's kind of a fun trivia thing for me to do in my college classes. I say, "Alright! Bachelor's degrees are really important. How many years do you think I took to get mine? If you guess it, I'll give you $1,000." It's really fun because I'm going to give them $1000 if they guess. They write it down and then I have them shout out what they think. I have three people who shout, and I usually get:

" two years!" "No."

"Three years!"

"No."

Then they usually guess, "Eight years!"

I say, "No, the answer is . . . ." and I turn around and I write it on the board...     27 years!!!

27 Years!!

It took me 27 years to get my bachelor's. (Which Emoji would you use for that jaw-dropping fact?) I loved it. I loved every day of my bachelor's degree. I started seeing clients earlier than my bachelor's because I had an NLP, that's Neuro-Linguistic Programming techniques. I was a master practitioner and still am. Every time I saw a client I kept thinking, "I want to learn more." I've never stopped with my clients. I kept going to school. I ended up with a double major in human development at the University of Utah.

It was really fun. My family came when I graduated. Well, now what? My friend said, "We're all going to go get our masters degree."

"Well wait, aren't we done?" We did it as a group or rather I had a few friends I made along the way. And so we decided to get master's degrees. I said, "Okay, we'll do it online." Then my friends all dropped out and there I was. My daughter was in high school so it worked for me. I went full time in masters online and after that, I'm done. I didn't even do the next graduation walk. Then shortly after, a cohort said, "Well I just signed up for my doctorate."

A Doctor? 

"No, you did not say that to me." Didn't even think I was going to do it. You are not kidding. I was 53 yeah. 53 starting my Doctorate? I ended up with my doctorate at age 58. It was just so exciting to just go ahead and do that. My colleague was back east, and we would chat on the phone and email and us, we did it and we held each other up through that horrible dissertation.

Let me tell you, I wouldn't wish a dissertation process on my worst enemy. (Maybe I shouldn't be saying that to you.) But having a doctorate might be overkill. If you're thinking of going back to school at age 50 and if you're thinking of going back to school at age 60 70 50 90 80 it's what do you want to do?

That's my story! It took me a long time. I had kids all the while. I build a private practice as I was doing it. Many of my students in my college class think that they need to take a full load right now all the way. It's difficult when you have a scholarship because that is a little bit true. You have to slam it or a grant type of thing. If you can, pace yourself. I'm all over pacing yourself. My Dad always said, "Darley this life, its a marathon, not a sprint."

Step by Step 

It's a long journey. In fact, it's a triple marathon. It keeps going and when you sprint, you might lose out on some things that you could enjoy. As you consider going back to college at age 50 and am "I too old," you'll say, "What are my priorities? What do I need to do and can I slow down? Can I pace myself? Can I do that?" To enjoy family, friends, maybe you're building a home, your spouse, your relationships. What are you doing?

I know in my college classes, most of them are in their twenties I've got some in their thirties forties and a few in their fifties, every once in a while they just seem to be so manic and rushed about schooling. There are a lot that are suicidal. I find out later through papers they write and, and they deal with a lot of difficulties.

Find YOUR Path 

Pace yourself, everyone, whatever age you are. If you're young reading to this, you might go, "Oh, okay, Huh, wow. Maybe I can do it differently now." If you're in a hurry, that's great. You can do that too. Studying is easy. Pick something that you love because if you don't love it, Eh. You want to study about it. If you pick something that you're passionate about, you can't wait to go sit down and learn more. Right? It's amazing. It's so fun.

Stop Waiting Around 

Are you too short to go to school? No, no, you, you call that school right now and you enroll in one class or five. Whatever you decide, you're going to create your life, aren't you? You engineer your entire life. You might burn out. You might need to press it for a little bit and then calm down in a few years. That's up to you. But just know that I did it. It was not hard and I'm 62 right now.

Stay Sharp 

I remember being as sharp as a tac! It was almost like that show where he takes that pill and it makes him really smart and he can know everything. I felt like I was taking that pill. I felt so sharp that I could remember everything I saw and if someone said something I totally remembered it and then I could use the logic to deduct or do something. It was the weirdest thing. My brain was just working because it had been practiced and practiced and worked out. Talk about strong legs. I had a strong brain at 58! If your brain's mushy, go back to school. My girlfriend one time we were talking and I'm said, "girlfriend, honey. I think you need to, like get another job and get out of the house or go to school because you're starting to not finish your sentences."

She was such a good friend that she totally appreciated what I said. She was getting to where she couldn't remember things. She got a job, she took a class at school, and all of a sudden, "oh well there you are."

You’ve Got This! 

Aren't defensive people difficult?

 Those defensive people with sayings such as, "I'm not yelling. What do you mean? I'm mean? I mean, I'm not rude. What do you, why do you keep telling me I'm judgmental. I don't know why you grimace at me with that judgmental face yourself. I'm not judgmental." How difficult is this? How do we take responsibility for our actions? How does a person say, "Yeah, I know, huh?" Well, the first step is ownership.

Face the Truth 

What do you own about yourself in any given situation? Do you own faults or do you not own them? If someone says to you, "you stink, you're stupid and you should brush your teeth," then you just don't go, "huh" or "no," or, "how about you stink? You just told me I stink and I just took a shower. I get that you think I stink. I just don't own that I've done anything to contribute to be stinky." Or, "you're right, I do stink. I do. I haven't taken a shower for like a month or three." And so, you own it. Ownership means accepting that which is true.

"You should brush your teeth."

"I just brushed my teeth, and in fact, I just went to the dentist and they took the plaque off!" Or, "I know, right. I haven't brushed my teeth for a while. Thank you for the feedback."

Only when you own something can you take responsibility for your actions. Defensive people are not owning it. When you're in a conversation with your grown kids and they're not owning anything, it's a no-way conversation. It's a no-battle. I call it impossible mode, with a colleague, with a spouse, with a friend, if there is no ownership. You know you have those people in your life where it's very difficult to know what to own, what not to own, and if they don't own what you're telling them. It's . . . difficult.

Own it 

So what do you do about this? When you have ownership, you say, "you're right. It's true." I remember when I was little, and I must have been kind of small because this is really silly! But I remember my mom was always on a diet. I remember the grapefruit diets. I remember my older sister couldn't touch ground beef because she'd get fat. There was some diet going on, all these weird diets when we were young that everybody was on. I wanted to sneak food. So I went to the refrigerator and I opened the drawer and I pulled out two pieces of Bologna and I stuffed them in my mouth to eat them really quick. All of a sudden my mom and my sister walked in and said," What are you doing?" I turned around.

"Mmmmm, nuh ah."

"Do you have something in your mouth?"

"Nopffe."

"You don't have anything your mouth?" And I remember them looking at each other smiling and they walked over, "Open your mouth."

I went, "blech," and sure enough, there were two partially chewed pieces Bologna in there and I had to own it. You need to own it when you get your hand caught in the cookie jar and then you just say, "yeah, you're right." I was trying to not own that which was very blatant.

Don’t Own It 

Another time, my son, when he was 14, (now he's a grown man with three children that are beautiful) at the time I didn't know he'd turned out at all because my 14-year-old son said to me, "Mom, if you were never born, my life would be no different." Now let's see. Being a bad mom is the worst thing that could happen to me, right?

Being a bad parent. I'd rather break my arm than be a bad mother. 

When he told me that, it was devastating. I remember being in school at the time learning about ownership.

I paused my mind and I remember walking up the stairs, going on the landing, walking up the next level of stairs, going across the bridge into my beautiful bedroom overlooking the city. I sat on the bed, looked out the window, and felt so depleted, worthless, and just devastated. I said to thought if I wasn't born with my son's life to be different? Then, of course, I went into, "Are you kidding me? I took him to scouts, I did this and that for him! Look what I did. I bought him his trucks and his, whatever you put on skateboards. I took him to the mall, to the Juicy shop, and all of these things. I don't own that. No."

At the time I didn't have the wherewithal that I have now to understand that when people say things rude to you, it's about their insecurities and feelings. I know that now. So if someone goes off, it's about them. I knew he had things going on for him, therefore, I didn't own it. Went downstairs with a smile on my face, went on about my day and loved my child and things worked out. When a person is defensive, it means they are a little guilty.

If You're a Little Guilty, Start to Work On It. 

"You're just always mean to me!"

"Well, I'm not always mean to you, but you know, sometimes maybe I am because I am dealing with. . . ." If you're a little guilty and you don't own it, then you'll be defensive. In other words, the next time someone's defensive or you feel defensive, stop and think, "yeah, that's a little close to the truth."

I would love your feedback, by the way on this, because I want to hear your ah Ha's on, "I went through my day after listening to doctor Darlene's podcast and I started to get defensive and I paused, which is the first step. I sat back a little bit and I realized, it's a little close to the truth, they don't totally own it, but it's a little close. I was kind of defensive. Then I decided to own it and take responsibility for my actions. Now I have power back when I own what I did. Now I get to do . . . . " Say I'm sorry. Make restitution. Don't do it again. Have a conversation. Whatever that leads into.

I’ll Be There for You, Or Not 

There was an episode of Friends where Rachel and Monica were so mad at Phoebe for being flaky. The entire show was how they were planning to tell Phoebe that she was flaky and they were so scared to do it. So funny. The whole show, they almost told her, they're going to tell her, they couldn't tell her, they were scared, then they went back. By the end of the show, they had planned and they had their Mojo about it. They walked up to Phoebe and they said, "Phoebe, we have something to tell you."

"Oh, oh, what is it?"

"We both think that . . . we both think that... .that you're flaky!"

And Phoebe goes, "Oh yeah. Uh Huh. I know. Yeah, I am flaky. In fact, I'm flaky all the time. Anyway. Do you guys want to go get Chinese?" Oh my gosh. I loved it. She owned it. She owned up to it. The best way in a conversation and someone's attacking you. Just say, I know I did. And make those changes.

One Last Thing 

My son, another son, came in the other day. He came in to talk to me and I thought he was just coming in to make conversation. I started telling him about my day and then he got a little weird. Finally, he just says, "Well, I've got to go. I wanted to talk anyway, but you're not listening," and walks out. I thought, "Huh, that's interesting. Why is he so rude? Why is he, he's got to get his life together." As I sat back, I decided, as I replayed it, that I owned that. I kinda took over the conversation. But that's because he's such a good listener. Now, there's a difference between making an excuse, because he's a good listener; or making a reason because he's a good listener. I texted him back, and not with an excuse but a reason, I said, "you're right, I did. I didn't listen to you. And I'm really sorry. You're such a good listener, which is a reason, not an excuse, and that fools me and I will really work on doing that better and listening to you in the future." It was very good for both of us as we went on with our relationship.

What do you own today? 

How are you defensive? 

How are you going to own what you've done to say you're sorry, let go of resentment, etc..

Owning is the first step. 

Well, pausing and then owning.

Do I Have Insomnia?

If this is something you're asking about and suffering from, in this post, I'll share 10 sure ways to help you sleep tonight. The best part is that they're really super simple. Do you need an insomnia cure? Well, this will work.

Can't sleep?  

That's awful. It ruins your day. It ruins your life. It's frustrating. There's no rejuvenation. You may be ornery. You may not know that you are not sleeping well and as a result ,during the day of your orneriness and discomfort. Yet when you go to bed, you know that horrible feeling of tossing and turning and getting up and down and watching TV in the middle of the night and pacing the halls and thinking, "okay fine, I'm just going to get up and get things done." It's, it's super frustrating in comparison to going to bed and waking up in the morning. My grandson says, "Nana," as I tuck him in, "Nana, I'm going to teleport till morning!" Oh my gosh, “teleport till morning.” How cute is that from a six-year-old?

Disclaimers Before We Get Started. 

That is what we're going to learn today. How to lay down at night and teleport till morning. Before we get going, I need you to acknowledge there may be something medical, such as sleep apnea, etc. If that's the case, this isn't necessarily the right podcast for you. This is more about information for the average person who has a lot on their minds and just can't seem to let go. So make sure you check out something that could be medical. So, with that in mind, do you wonder, "Why can't I sleep through the night?"

Once Upon a Time . . . 

The truth is, in the olden days, people used to sleep with the sun. That's really what we're supposed to do. I've got a couple of kids (I call them hippy kids with all due respect and love) that live off the grid and, and they get up with the sun and they go to bed with the sun and sometimes use candles at night. They're so cool. They're really fun to visit. And candles are even intruding in the nights' rest. They said what works best, is that when the sun goes down, they go to bed. That's how the plants do it. That's what we're supposed to do. And do you know what? Here we are--we're all screwed up. Since we're all screwed up, we have to make allowances and understand what's going on so we can change it and "teleport till morning."

Quick Sleep Assessment 

If I was going to be a fortune teller based on the thousands of clients I've had and worked with, I'm going to guess that you have a different routine every single night. Some nights you go to bed at this time, or at that time. Sometimes you wear this, sometimes you don't. Sometimes you sleep here, sometimes there. You may eat randomly. You're not sure when you eat before bed or not. You have lots on your mind, projects to do, you sit on your bed and do lots of things, on your bed, during the day. Am I right? I'm probably pretty right.

As you listen, grab a pen and paper to write these 10 steps down. 

You're going to hear my insomnia remedies or insomnia cure, as I like to call it. They're simple things to help you sleep that work! After you hear them, you might say, "Oh Duh! I could've thought of that!" Well, I'm pretty sure you could have! All I've done is compiled 10 steps. Are you ready? Okay. (These are in no particular order.)

Number one: Beds are for sleeping.  

Don't do anything on your bed, but sleep. Nothing! Only sleeping. Don't fold your laundry. Don't study, don't read. Nothing! Just sleeping . . . and having sex. But the bed is for nighttime and sleeping. Got It?

Number two: Plan for Tomorrow 

Daily plan for your tomorrow about an hour before bed. All good business people know this. I know that my day is like a Rubik's cube. I'm maneuvering things and figuring things out. If I just forget about it and come back tomorrow, pick up my metaphorical Rubik's cube, I don't know where I am. I've got to rethink. "Okay, what was the priority?" Daily planning. You write down metaphorically where your Rubik's cube is so that tomorrow you can just hit it. You can check the things off that you've planned and then you're done for the day.

Let. It. Go.

Now, if you've got a job like a multilevel that never sleeps, I would recommend having a period of time where it "sleeps" and mentally you put it over there, and on your paper you put it over there, because you don't want to think about it from tonight, until you wake up in the morning. If you want to think about it all night, then you probably won't sleep very well. But, that's up to you to decide. Your unconscious will definitely work on it as you sleep, even if you mentally, emotionally, logically, and time management-ly, put it aside.

Number three: Hold Off On the Snacks  

(This is one that people struggle with.)

Don't drink or eat two hours before bed.

You know that yummy late night snack you're going to eat? Like, the doughnut at midnight, you know? Well, you can choose that, and choose not to sleep. These are all choices. Everything. I always say, we choose our life. We engineer our life and we have choices. If I go to bed on the edge of hunger, it's key for me. Just that little edge of, but not actually hungry. That's what works. And I include alcohol as well. I know that alcohol will obviously relax, us and there is nothing like a nice glass of wine right before bed. But, especially with hard alcohols, they relax you for a minute. Then there's an opposite effect later on. It doesn't work like we think it does. So just kind of save that a couple of hours before bed.

Number four: Don’t Underestimate the Importance of Routine 

Have the same routine every night. The same routine every night. The same routine every night. 

Every. Night.

You take your makeup off or you maybe you shave at night. What is your routine? Right before bed, have a ritual of removing the makeup, put on eyelash conditioner, or take a bath or read in that chair, not in bed. Don't read in your bed! Have the same routine every night.

Number five: Save the Drama for Later. 

DON'T OPEN ANY NASTY EMAILS OR TEXTS OR ANYTHING DEALING WITH DRAMA!!! We're not doing it after 6:00 PM. If your grown kids call and say, "Mom, I need to talk to you!" Say, "911 and 811, I'll talk to you now, but if it's below that, then I'll call you at 9:00 AM tomorrow or 6:00 AM. No drama at night. No nasty emails. Let it go. We're not doing it. We're not doing that phone call after 6:00 PM and that is a miracle in itself.

Number six: Write This Down. 

Get a notepad and pencil and put it by your bed. Probably a medium to small size notepad. Well, you might need a big one when you hear what this is. What you do is now it's time for bed. You've done your routine, you have that teeny, teeny, teeny edge of hunger, you're bed is only for sleeping, so it's anchored in. You're so excited. You sit on your bed and you hold your pad of paper and you ramble. Everything that's in your brain, write it down. Go. "Sister's mad at me. Brothers . . . My kids and my grandson and I've got to go to . . . I've got to make this, I got to do this party. I've got to say I'm sorry to so and so. Oh Gosh, I've got to do the invoices." This is not necessarily a to-do list. It's more of a get it out of your conscious, list. If there are some to do items in your conscious mind, then put them on the paper. Keep going, and then keep going. I've had people do two pages of a legal pad, two columns right before bed.

Hello... No wonder you're not sleeping.

As you write and write and write and write, keep writing until there is nothing left. Clear that conscious mind. You might even dip a little into the unconscious things that we're trying to get attention from you, but couldn't because there was so much on the conscious. The unconscious is like," oh, that's right. Something bad happened today and I feel bad about it." Write it down, I feel bad about the thing that happened today.

Feelings, thoughts, emotions.  

If you have to keep saying one thing, for example, let's say you're breaking up with a boyfriend or girlfriend, which is one of the hardest things to go through, and you write his or her name down and you write 10 other things and then it pops up again, write the name down again. Write the name down again and again. Even the categories of what you need to write down about them. Such as I feel lonely without so and so. I feel betrayed by So-and-so, betrayed, lonely, can't forgive, etc. Clear that conscious mind. Then lay down and start to relax. Here is the key--Keep Holding your notepad--Don't put your notepad down cause you are going to think of more. That's why I use a pencil, not a pen. Because you're laying down and you just thought of more things to write. Then you don't want to sit up. You Write it with your pad above your head and you write the next thing and you write, the next thing, and then you just think,

"Okay, I'm going to set my pad down now."

Finally, you set your pad down and you start to get in your position and then you think of more things. Grab your pad, write the things set the pad down. This part will get smaller and smaller because your body and your mind will know that it's painful to pick that pad back up. you'll hurry and dump faster the next day and the day after. It's kind of cool. After maybe the fifth, sixth night you'll be dumping your head faster and faster. So cool. So now your mind is completely empty. In the comments below, I want you to give me feedback about this and if it, if it's true, what I'm seeing.

Number Seven: Sleep position. 

Now you're going to get in your sleeping position. I think about it every night because it is kind of a puzzle. You know the head pillow, the pillow between your knees, got to have your pillow that you're hugging all night, or you're man or woman or partner. You've got this position, this puzzle and you know your "fall asleep position." If you're with a partner and you're snuggling, most couples at some point go, "okay fine, I'm turning to my sleep position." Have an exact sleep position. That's a whole lot to think about and discover. What is your exact, "I'm done." sleep position?

Number eight: Smile! 

As you get in your sleep position, I want you to smile even if your brain doesn't want to. Your whole face is going to smile. Like a little baby smile. Think about it. No one's going to bug you now. You've time managed this time for you. You're prepared for tomorrow. Well, let go and GO.

Number nine: For those that wake in the middle of the night. 

Do you know what happens to many people? About four o'clock they wake up. If you don't, just ignore this next part. At four o'clock if you wake up, and you know you're to lay there, what do you do? You guessed it. You Grab Your Pad! You turn your light on or your iPhone, your phone, you shine the light and you pick up that darn pad of paper and you write again.

Write down all the things that are now in your mind that your unconscious was whirling around, tossed into your conscious mind, woke you up and you write it all down again. Let me tell you, this is the hardest part for me to walk my talk. This one for me specifically because I do not want to turn the light on sit up and get that pad of paper. You can try to go back to sleep, but instead, you lay there and suffer. Well, if you just want to say, "okay, look, this is not working, so I'll just do it." Get your pad, dump your brain. Just do it. The same thing, nothing left. Get back in your puzzle. Lay down and smile.

Number 10: Teleport till morning. 

With all your strength, with all your resources, with you, the person who's most important in your life. Because without you, you have nothing.

Let’s Make it Work! 

Living a life that works, living the best years of your life, whatever age you are, especially as you age and know that things are coming together for you and your life. You're more present for your grandkids, your work, your colleagues, your coworkers, your company. Live the best years fully and completely. I'd appreciate comments letting me know how these steps have worked for you and I really appreciate you taking time and honoring me in sharing whatever I know with you and I bless you with your sleep tonight. Relax and let go of all that you don't need.

Thanks for joining. Talk soon.

Can I do it? 

Here's the thing. Love is strange. Not only is it emotional, but it is energetic. When you are in love it affects the heart, the mind, the soul, and the body. We can love with our whole beings and our energies intertwine as though we are one. Our bodies connect vibrationally with the one we love and we are connected. This can feel so great and rewarding. When we are with the one we love, it feels complete.

A problem happens when there is a separation. If the person you love leaves abruptly, leaves from breaking up, leaves because of death or moving etc, it is painful on a physical level as well as a spiritual and emotional level. The pain can be so intense that a person may shut down for years or decades. Many people say it feels like they actually died, but were somehow still alive. Their heart almost stopped and their lives felt empty and useless.

Love is . . . Tricky

When we lose someone, we may feel broken-hearted.  It can actually feel like your heart muscle is broken literally, physically. It's like having not only the heart, but it's like having your cells torn apart. Don't you think? In every part of your body, like your wrist is being torn apart? Your knee, your bones. It's like a pulling out of who you are and of course, then most people can't eat or they overeat, can't sleep. Your identity is broken. Who am I without you? Who are you without me? Wait, you can't be without me and because of this pain. The walls come up.

Breaking up is Hard to Do, and Loving Again Seems Impossible Now. 

The pain of a break up comes from the lack of that connection or wholeness. So if a person goes through pain of a break up and experiences intense pain then the person may correlate connection or love with pain. “If I don’t connect, I will never have that pain again.” Right? Yes, right. It is common to feel this way and shut down or put up a wall, to protect us and never allow that to happen again. We start to maneuver our lives single. We figure out how to be excellent alone. We learn to do everything we need to do without needing a partner.

My Story of Heartbreak  

I've always heard about that and never really experienced it until this last year where walls really came up and I shut down.

After a very intense and emotional relationship, the signs were there, but I wasn’t able to let go. Neither was he, but our cultures were just too different. Our religions were different. Our beliefs about trust and family were different. It was just wrong so be both had to let go. Of course we went back and forth for a while but most importantly, I Could not be myself around him. I thought he would change. Well, silly me…

We chose to move away from each other and never see each other again. But wait, we had become one, on some ways. I loved him so deeply. What now??

As I tried to move on and date, I couldn’t feel anything at all. I was numb. I couldn't love anybody and those I did love in the past, I began to un-love. I couldn't even love my dog as much. I didn't love my mom as much. Everything stopped and kind of shocked my system. It took quite a while to feel again. I started dating someone that all my friends and family said was perfect for me, but it took months to feel emotions for him. It was not fair to him, but I was not able to help it at the time. This experience sure taught me alot. It has shown me the depths of despair and the depths of numbness.

So does love hurt? Uh, no, but breaking out of love does. Hell yes. Oh God, I'm not doing that again. I'm afraid to love again. Can I love again after a divorce? Or after my spouse dies? Or a long term relationship finally ends. Huh? Can you?

What is Love?

Alright, let's see what I've come up with.. With a lot of contemplation and putting all I know and have experienced together, I have come up with real results and I'm loving my own advice here. I'm loving it. Get ready.

My definition of love is CARING HOW SOMEONE FEELS. The more you care how they feel, the more deeply you love them. I made that up and I’m sticking to it. You may not love my neighbor because you don't know them and you don’t care about how they feel, as much as you care how your child feels.

Three Steps and Then the Leap

I have three key points to share with you, about how after the pain of a break up, to take steps to experience that love AGAIN. Okay... So let's see... You have experienced the loss of someone, you are now cynical or angry and you have decided, or your body decided for you, that you are never going to love again...If you don't want to love again, does that mean you don't want to care how someone feels again? All right, so let's ask you again. Does not wanting to fall for that gain mean that you're not going to care about how someone feels again.

Now all of a sudden that doesn't make sense, does it? But I'm not going to care how someone feels. So with that in mind, think about it. In order to love again, we need to start the process logically here, instead of emotionally like you did last time. So the process of loving again is going to start logically in the brain with no feelings at first. So let me explain.

#1-What did you learn?

The first thing is to know it's normal to be cautious after being hurt. Okay? Check. And I would tell you, because I work with the unconscious mind, and your unconscious is going to totally predict you and it's going to keep on protecting you in ways that you're not aware of, like pushing people away, not responding appropriately, and you won't even know you're doing it.

Slow down. Be mindful. 

So slow down and know you're doing it. And as you realize you're keeping this wall caution up, say to yourself, "Hey, I'm going to keep my caution until I have learned what I need to learn. Thank you very much." So isn't that interesting?

Stop replaying the story

When you're pulling away from this love and this hurt that you've had; let me tell you what you're doing. You're replaying things in your head over and over and over and, of “what it could have been if we would have . . .,” “if he did,”  “I should have just,” and the reason you're doing that again, is that your unconscious is trying to never let that happen again. Sit down and be mindful of what you learned. Blah, blah, blah. I know, I hate that when people say, “What did you learn from your trial?” But we all know it’s the facts. We learn from pain and we learn from trial and error. In the midst of a trial it’s common to say, “I don't want to tell you what I learned. I'm not learning anything!” Oh Gosh, But here's the truth. It's true. There is a lesson here.

My True Confession

My true confession, of what I learned in my last relationship, is this: I was creating him to be something he wasn't! That was horrible! Do you do that? Yeah, I learned to not do that again. I'm not going to create the next guy into being something that they're not. I’m going to take the next relationship at face  value. I will realize he is him and he is not going to change. The way he is now, is the way he is going to be. Do I like him the way he is now? If not, next.

And yes, people can lie and deceive. 

We may think they are a certain way, and we learn they were faking it. This is all part of the process of getting to know someone. Get to know them better. What makes them operate? What makes them tick. What are their patterns? What are there tendencies according to people who have known them their whole lives? 

Let me ask you this: 

Because I've had millions of clients with the same similar issues. Did you give up yourself in your last relationship? Did you lose yourself? If so, it is common to do that. So maybe what you learned is to NOT do THAT again! Yup. Probably. You gave your love, but you gave yourself up too! Okay, so you're not going to be doing that again. Did you idolize him or her too much and they let you down?

Write it down.

Now, write down what you are never going to do again. And what did you learn? What aren't you going to do again and state it, say it out loud, then you'll realize you're on the right track with number one out of three. What did you learn and what are you doing? Again? Write them down and really re go over and over and over it until you've got your three to five things you're not doing again. I love it logically. This is all making sense.

#2-Getting To Know You 

Okay, if we're going to love again, realize you can't love who you don't know. I don't know your neighbor, sorry if I knew your neighbor intimately, meaning I know things that they are feeling that are precious and important to them and I get them how they feel and I start caring how your neighbor feels and I start knowing them because I'm knowing them.

Then I start loving them as we know them. Your love grows, my love will grow for your neighbor. Because you start feeling like you care. So number two, you can't love who you don't know. So if you're thinking, can I love again? You're in a relationship or, as I say, say you even got a new dog or something that you've got to invest in loving again. Get to know them, get to know them. And I'm going to take a little pause here for 1 second or little parentheses and tell you that.

On a personal note

Okay, this is totally divulging about 10 years ago. My Gosh. It seems like yesterday. I had a dog. I was so connected to Beaumont. He was a little white Maltese. His hair was parted down the middle of his back. He was groomed every week and was beautiful and smelled yummy. He had a little bow in his hair that matched my outfit and he followed me everywhere.

He sat in my office when I had clients. Anyway, long story is when he died and he died tragically, and this is beyond the scope of this podcast, but I, I killed him by slamming him in a door and well, that added to all that. Yup. And the point here that I want to make is, it was so bad. I went into panic attacks. Every time I thought about him. My husband had to shake me out of it. There's so much to this story I'll do on another podcast, but I shut my heart worse than this last little episode I went through and I'm just starting to open that up. My heart was so shut, I unloved, my husband at the time, I unloved my kids a little bit. It was so weird.

I’m trying to walk my talk

This last relationship of my breakup recently was the first time I opened my heart up again. And then that didn't work because I was betrayed, lied to And stolen from literally. Uh, so take a breath, Dr Darlene and say, can I do it again? And so I'm with you when you say, no, I'm not doing it. And again, don't do it until you know what you've learned. And so I'm venturing and stepping and I'm walking my talk. I'm doing what I'm telling you to do. I'm attempting to go through these steps myself. What did I learn? Big Time I've learned. Can I love someone I don't know, not so much. So in a new relationship that I'm in, I'm getting to know this person and starting to really, really care how they feel. And now you're going to love number three. When you put yourself in their place, you start to care how they feel.

Put yourself in their shoes.

What's it like to be them? How do they see the world? What makes them tick? What makes them sad? Do you care if they're sad? A good tip for breaking up is to stop caring about how someone feels. And we'll talk about that in a minute. So when you go into caring how they're feeling, then you'll start loving them. You realize you're starting to care. You lived through your last crap. You deserve to go again. I deserve to go again. You, I deserve all the good things. It is so better to love than be loved. Literally, it is. It feels better to love than be loved.

#3 Love Outward Without Expecting Anything Back. 

Focus on loving, caring, and understanding without expectations of anything coming back. This is really cool. So start to love outward. Love out and the physics are when you love out and give. It comes back bigger than it went out

But if it doesn't come back, it's okay because you're loving outward. Care how they feel. Care how they feel and if they care how you feel, yay. But Loving outwardly. Interesting hu?

Review

Once again, it's normal to be cautious. Within your caution, take these three steps. #1 What did you learn and what are you NEVER going to do again? #2 Get to know that person, you want to increase your love so get to know small details about them and love will increase. #3 You lived through it and start loving outward without expecting anything in return. Loving outward and pretending yourself that you are them.

I love YOU! 

I do. I think I can love you because you're here reaching out to me on this podcast/blog. I can feel you, which helps me know you a little bit and I can feel your desires and your intent. And the truth is, the more I know you, the more I can really specifically love you. So tell me about yourself in the comments and share your love process stories with me.

Let me know if these three steps helped you to say, “I can love again.” I hope this helped and we'll talk soon.

Someone asks you, “Are you in love?”  

The typical answer is, “Well, yeah... Uh Huh... No... Well kind of... I mean almost, I don't know... Yes... I love... I don't... You know what, I do? I love him. I do.... I, oh, I don't really know!” Right? Have you noticed that? When you ask most people dating if they are in love with him/her, they hum and hah.. They don’t concurrently answer the question. If you look closely, they fidget, and dart their eyes. Now on occasion, if you ask a newly engaged person how they feel, they would give a YES. I call it a full body yes. Their eyes say yes, their arms say yes and their toes say yes. They are answering yes, with all of their heart and soul. But is this typical? What is the difference when someone is not sure, and how do you know why you are not sure? We have all experienced this inner conflict. The good news is I am going to explain WHY.

Let’s See

Have you ever felt that way? Are you in love? Hmm. Well guess what? I'm going to help you find out for sure If you're in love right now! Oh, it's the "L" word, the four-letter "L" word. What the heck have you ever noticed when you ask someone and say "Well, So you've been dating a while are you in love?" And they go, yeah, and they squint their eyes and they go, Well, kind of. And they tip their head back and forth or "Nooo," and they smile. And Your like, "Really" and they don't know how to answer the question if they're in love, because what is it? What is love?

Well, Webster says it's an intense feeling of deep affection. Okay, well what does that mean? Now, I've got so much to say on this one. Today we're gonna focus on are you in love with that person? I'm going to help you know how to know whether you are or not. We can go into all these definitions, but basically, this is why you don't know if you're in love with that person and write this down because this is soo cool. The problem is you don't know if you're in love because you're not one piece. 

BTW You're not just one piece, you’re a lot of pieces 

The pieces that you have inside your mind are many

There are parts of you that want to read this blog and part of you may think you don’t have time. Right? There may have been a part of you excited to get up today and part of you that wanted to stay in bed. There are parts of most people that want to exercise but part of them wants to just be lazy. Being human, we all experience parts of us that want something different than another part of our minds.

The parts I am going to discuss are: Your head, your heart, your body, your gut feeling, and your spirit.These parts work independent of each other. Most of the time they don’t even talk to each other. In fact they very often want very different things for you.

You have a HEAD that's logical, you have a HEART that feels, that doesn't always agree with the head. You've got a BODY that is attracted or not attracted, which doesn't always correlate with the logic of the head or the heart flipping or they're not flipping. And then you have a SPIRIT. Which is how you feel about the person if you did not have a body, just a sense of your spirit flying around in heaven. How do your spirits connect, how much do they love each other? Kind of different isn’t it? And then we have a GUT feeling. Just that sense of adding everything together. The gut sense about whether the relationship is short or long term, whether the relationship is good for you or not so good. Just that sense that is so deep many times we don’t recognize how we really feel with our gut, on a conscious level.

So most the time all our parts are not talking to each other 

They're not agreeing with one another either. And so that's why you can't come up with one answer of whether you're in love or not. Because your heart may be in love but your mind isn’t. Or your mind is in love but your body isn’t.  

Now the definition of love is an interesting thing. And I will do another podcast/blog on all the definitions and what it is you really define and understand love. But for now, let's just say you really care about the person and you really liked being with them and you have this kind of romantic feeling, but you're not sure if it's just an external lust or is it, really super love.

After you rate each category 

When you talk advantage of the information I am going to share, you will be amazed! You will REALLY know whether you are in lover or if you are just infatuated. Below, I walk you through an exercise that is eye opening. You are going to use a scale from 1-10. You are going to rate how you feel in specific categories and after you rate the categories from 1-10 below, you're going to know if you're in love with this person or not. And what kind of love it is.

Am I in Love? Rate yourself

So the first category, again as I go over this again, is with your

head, 1 to 10 how much do you love him or her? So I want you to think of the person you love and you think about loving them kind of. Well not really. Yes. Tons. No, not sure. So with your head, 1 to 10 how much do you love this person? Logically, no hard feelings yet. Put that over there. No. All that sexual stuff. Put that over there. 1 to 10 with your head. Logically it makes sense. He wants kids. I don't. We do. We want to house. She or he wants this. We're a logical fit or it doesn't make any logical sense to be together. So on a scale from 1 to 10, 10 being the most in love, write that down.

Okay, next one. Your heart. How much do you love your person with your heart? Now, no logic. Not Thinking about logic and how much it makes sense. Just the heart, the feeling where you really care, how they feel. I really care how they feel and I care how I feel when I'm with him. My heart kind of swells. It makes my boobs go out. It makes my ribs expand. It makes my stomach push up and down. It lifts and it's not that bouncy chemistry thing. I'm not talking about that. It's the swelling. You know when you love your baby, your heart swells. So it's the swelling thing. It's caring, how they feel. It's not logical right now. And it's not chemistry right now. 1 to 10, yeah. Do you love it?

Next one is the body. Okay? The body, body, body. Oh god, is he beautiful!!! Oh wow. Or, well, he is kind of attractive, or nope, yuck. Now the body is what you think and feel when you look at them, it is also how you feel next to them. If you are comfortable, you fit. Your hands fit together, you feel comfortable walking together. You fit sexually. You fit when you snuggle. You feel like your bodies look like they go together. You know, the couple that looks good together. Now in contrast, when you don’t feel like you fit, you will fidget. Yep, just like clothes that don’t fit, you fidget. When you have a shirt that is comfortable you are comfortable, just like your partner. You put your partner on like clothes. Do they fit? But what if they are disabled, or they are too tall or short. Well, many times when love grows in other areas, liberties are taken and you may learn to love their differences. You may learn to love their bow legs or their bald head. It starts to look good to you. Rate 1-10 how much you currently love your person with your body.

The next one when you're opening your eyes about whether you're in love or not is the spirit. This one's really cool. What would happen If you just had a phone relationship and you never got to see the person, ever. How much do you love their spirit? Where do you connect? And I say if you had no body and you took your body off and you didn't have a body, you're just a spirit floating around, flying around or vibrating in the spirit world, and you were with your other person, how much do you love that person with your spirit where your spirits are in the same direction, the same movement, the same resonance, 1 to 10 how much do you love that person with the spirit? Your soul's connecting regardless of your body, of logic, of your heart. 1 to 10.

Then the last one is sometimes easy to understand and sometimes it's not for people. It's a gut feeling. Your gut feeling is just a summary of all these human feelings. It's not like a spiritual sense so much. It's more like a human feeling of my gut summary is, I really, really love or am falling in love or being in love or I'm close to this person. It feels right, it feels good or you know, the body's like a 10 logically it's pretty high, but I just have this gut feeling, kind of makes me sick. It's no. I'm getting a no on that one, so I'm going to put a 3 or 4. Or backward like, I don't know. It's not making tons of logical sense right now. My Heart's growing, my spirit that's really growing together. The body's great and I just have this gut feeling. It's an absolute yes. They just feel like it really is for us to be together. So look at your assessment and then let me ask you, are you in love with this person?

Examples

I have to give an example here. The body is chemistry. So let's ask Tiffany, how much do you love Alex? And she says, oh, on a scale from 1 to 10 my body's like a 200 oh my gosh. Like seriously? When he comes near me I, I just melt.

But with my head, I only love him like a 1 cause he's in prison, he did bad things. He like hurt kitties and stuff. So we have a little conflict where the body's 200 and the heads just 2 or 1. And that's low conflict, isn't it now. So as you think about the body, you don't think about the head right now.

I have one more example as we pause on this. Then there's Susie Q who thinks that she's in love with Tommy and logically it's a 20. Like, 1 to 10 it's like oh my gosh, we like love everything the same. We both love books, we both love to do everything together. We like to paint, just like to talk about the sunset. And so I'm like a 10 with my head or more. Now the body, I'm only like a 4 cause he kind of stinks and he has sweaty hands but you know, we don't fit. But yeah. So do I love Tommy. I don't know. Well with your head You love him but you don't love him with your body. So you see where we're going with this. Go ahead and 1 to 10 with the body.

Let’s Look at your Ratings

If you have one area that's low, that will drop everything else. You can very clearly see if you have a romantic, lustful relationship. You can very clearly see, on the other hand, if you have a spiritual relationship and not physical. My recommendation, but who am I, is that you have 8 to 10 in all categories before you commit to a lifetime, long term relationship or marriage. Now, what happens if you're a 10 on all of these and your partner or your person gets hurt and they're in a wheelchair? Do we stay married because they're in a wheelchair and I was a 10 with the body and now they're in a wheelchair? There are times when you shift into the stages of marriage, which I'm going to go over very quickly right now. Where you start out with romance and you're noticing your head, heart, body, gut, and spirit and it grows bigger and bigger and becomes so solid.

In contrast, many times we know we should love someone but we don’t have many feelings for them. Maybe logically we should love someone but the heart is just not there. This maybe because unconsciously we have been hurt, betrayed, and we are scared to open up. The lack of love may be the lack of chemistry. But all in all when we understand the magnitude of the 5 areas, we can see where we rate high and where we rate low. All summed up, we just may not really love or even like the person. But after rating with this exercise, we will know how we feel in what area.

I have coached couples for about two decades. I have coached those in the dating stage and always have them complete the exercise. Each week as they come back the ratings either go up or they go down. They can see the trajectory of their relationship growing or shrinking. And either way is normal but it is nice to know why and in what category we are feeling levels of love or if the relationship is dissolving.

Stages of Love

Backing up So as you, grow in these stages, you're going to start out with number one is romance. The second stage is the awakening. So we're going to kind of step back and kind of go back over these stages. The awakening is, oh my heck, they're not perfect. Then after years, you go into the control, mild suggestions, you start building up walls and want to control them.

The next stage is where these emotions that I'm feeling come. Where you come into acceptance, you accept the differences of each other. You build on your strengths, you build your foundation. I love you. And the last stage sometimes going to happen quickly, but sometimes it won't happen until all of the kids are out of the nest. And you come back to this place where you really have grown together for 40 years and it's pure love/charity, a spiritual connection. The vibrations between your mind, body, and spirit are so connected. I am me with you. I am better because of you. I can be who I am because you lived and I witness your life. So with a lump in my throat, I know who I love. I know I love my man. I know I love my children and let me tell you something right here is that love is the same from a spouse to a husband, a wife, a child to a dog.

Wow. All love is the same, but the Body responds Differently!

The love of a child, a parent or a partner is the same, but the body responds differently. Now think about that one. I still have a spiritual connection with my dog. My heart swells, my head is into it. But my body is different because obviously, it's just a snuggle pet, my dog-kind of body relationship. So as you discover what kind of assessment you can give head, heart, body, gut with the one you're looking at and how much you love them. You can do this with your animals as well, and you have this swelling in your heart for this person or animal you will know. Are you in love? Yes. And I want you to know that I love you and my assessment is a 10 with all of them because my heart loves you. My head loves you. My body wants to shake your hand and give you a hug and my spirit loves you.

"IN LOVE" IS WHEN THE HEAD, HEART, BODY AND SPIRIT are rated high along with physical chemistry.

Deep Love is Emotional, It’s Intense!

When the ratings are high in the 5 categories and love grows from there, the love becomes deeper. The love is secured and it is as thought the two souls melt together. The minds melt, the hearts melt, and the body melts. The spirits synergize on another and bloom and the gut feeling is solid. Love can be so deep it can become almost violent in an interesting way. The violent protection of a mother to her child is not something to mess with. Love becomes the love of service. Love is unshakable. There is trust and adoration. This almost makes me cry because it becomes so solid. That my heart loves you and I love your little weird mole on your leg or your foot or your face and I’d love you in a wheelchair because everything else is so strong and my body's love for you isn't just sexual anymore, because it's grown into something deeper. It's a feeling of caring, so much how you feel and I love you.

In conclusion, my gut feeling is, you're a beautiful, wonderful person who is loved by more people (and animals) than you know. You have spent time reading this blog for a reason. Because you want to know more about love and how to recognize it. It is a word we are all striving to understand more completely. Have fun loving today. It's a beautiful week to be in love, not only with people but with our beautiful planet as well.

Talk soon.