One thing I’m super bad at is mind reading that's for sure. Don’t you wish you could mind read? Do you wish others could read your mind too? We hope they are always focusing on what we want, so we just need to allude to what we want and they should know!  If they loved us then they would always know what we want and how we feel right?

WRONG…

Yes, I am good at reading body language and eye movements, but it is not nice for others to expect me to be focusing so much on them and what they want and how they feel. I am in my own feelings and thoughts.

Hinting goes like this: It’s kind of warm in here... seems like it’s about time to eat. …

Another example.You’ve been slaving all day in the house. The kids, the wash,  not to mention dinner. Partner comes home says a quick Hi and heads to their office…

What would one naturally make that mean? “Oh gosh, he doesn’t love me!! Doesn’t he know what I go through in a day? How could he not know?”

Meanwhile the partner in the office is thinking, ‘I’m sure they understand I've been working all day and need a minute to myself.”

Then he makes his way out of the office and you meet in the hall. Disgruntled that your needs are not met, you both get pissy and start to have a nerf, bat fight!!!

Indirect communication is just a no no. Don’t do it. There are many ways to passively communicate, but one on the “don’t” list is hinting.

Another example. You and your partner are driving down the highway. You see and exit. You are thirsty so you say, “Are you thirsty?” She says, “No.” At each exit you get more parched, so you keep asking if your partner is thirsty, and she keeps saying she is not. Finally you get super  MAD/sad because why is it that they are not caring about you? You get into the usual fight. Why in the world doesn’t she ONLY think of me and my feelings??

The answer is because they are thinking about their OWN feelings and you have the burden to be true to you and communicate directly what you want and need.

Hinting! Hinting is a no no

NOW it is time to stop and think about if you are guilty of this! WELL? Are you? Did you try to mind read today? Did someone else try to mind read you? As a result was there hinting going on???

The FIX:

1. Recognition! introspection.  
2. Be sure!
3. Speak your truth and take your words straight to the bank!
4. use verbal communication that works. Say what you mean.
5. Mind reading tricks are not available to humans .
6. Ask your partner what he/she means specifically. Hold him/her to his/her word!
7. Request him/her to use direct communication too!

Let’s use direct communications say what you mean! Say it clearly. State it.

Agree to take your words at face value and use  communication  that works.

Thanks for listening!  If you enjoyed today's episode I would be grateful if you would leave me a quick review and rating on iTunes (click here) so I have feedback!  Also, subscribe if you haven't already so you can be alerted when a new episode comes out.  That would mean the world to me, thank you so much!

If you want the episode show notes and a full transcript go to www.whatstopsyou.com

I would Love to hear your comments on todays topic!  How this information has helped you?

Talk soon Dar-lings!

You wake up groggy, look around, and oh goodness, not only do you have bed hair but your whole room was struck by some kind of tornado. It’s overwhelming and where should I even begin?

Today I am quoting my superhero dad and his “How to organize a room” process. It’s very simple. There are four steps that we will go over.

Mental organization is really the goal, isn’t it? To achieve peace of mind we must first organize our environment to the best of our ability. Here’s how to clean an office room. l talk about the categories of the items in the room. Are they in place or are they out of place? Are they necessary or can someone other than you use them? Do you need to throw them away? Let’s start with helping a child clean the room. The first thing you want to do is just put all the books over in one corner. Then just sit all the toys over there. Now take all the clothes and laundry clean or dirty over there. Now that we’ve got these piles we can begin the process of one, two, three or four.

Start with Ones, working items. Is it in place and does it has a lifecycle? Let’s look at the lifecycle of a stock. It goes on your foot, into the dirty wash basket, into the washer, into the dryer, into the basket to be folded, into your drawer, onto your foot, and the cycle continues. If the item is in its correct system it is a working one. I love working items!!!

Terrible two our items that are out of place they’re scary and they might hunt you at night. If your sock is on the floor it is terrible too. Twos are frustrating and seem to multiply exponentially if we are not on top of them. As soon as you put a tour way it becomes a working one.

Threes are things that are not for me. They are in shape and in working order yet you do not need them. An old TV may be good for someone else to use. In other words, three’s are thrift store items or garage sale items. Always have a box labeled thrift store, located somewhere in your house garage or shed and constantly fill it with unused items.

Fours, Out the door. Fours are garbage, they need to be discarded. I love to chuck things into the garbage. My dad saying “If you throw it away you don’t have to put it away!” Isn’t that great? Four, out the door!!

Now as you live your life continue putting your terrible twos right back in place as soon as possible so you can have an organize life and organize mind and a life that works!!

Thanks for listening!  If you enjoyed today's episode I would be grateful if you would leave me a quick review and rating on iTunes (click here) so I have feedback!  Also, subscribe if you haven't already so you can be alerted when a new episode comes out.  That would mean the world to me, thank you so much!

If you want the episode show notes and a full transcript go to www.whatstopsyou.com

I would Love to hear your comments on todays topic!  How this information has helped you?

Talk soon Dar-lings!

1. First thing is to answer the question, what do you want? Why? Think about it long and hard. Make sure you decide that what you want in college is reasonable and achievable in your life. Taking a complete full load and more, may ruin your relationships or your job or hurt your parenting skills. Make sure going to college fits in your life. Make sure you’re going to pace yourself for the distance. My quite amazing story is that it took me 27 years to get my bachelors degree. I had five children during that time and plenty of drama like an ex-husband being killed in a motorcycle accident, dad passing away, sister passing away, two divorces, etc. Make sure your goal is something that is going to work in your life long-term.
2. Understands your body clock. Or your bio-rhythms. Is morning your best time to study? When I was doing my doctorate I studied three hours a day, seven days a week, for seven years. From 7 AM to 10 AM. It was the best! It gave me all the time I needed to get everything done every single day. When study time was over I could rest and play with my kids', grandkids or go to the pool or do my private practice. Before you commit, re-think what your goals are. Do you really want to go to college, How much will reasonably fit in your life?
3. During your study time, decide if you want to accomplish a specific task within your time period of study, such as do certain research, or write a few pages of your paper, or study how to format in APA, or get your files organized, etc. Or if you just want to do as much as you can within that period of time, you just go, and go until your time is over. Either way, it may all come out in the wash.
4. At the end of your study make sure that you make a list of what you want to do the next time you sit down to study. That way you know where you are. It’s like a Rubik's cube. You’re in it and maneuvering it but if you put it down and come back you won’t know where you are. That’s how it is when you study for hours. At the end of your study make sure that you take notes where you are so you can rock ‘n’ roll the next day
5. Make sure you study in the same place every day. With no distractions far away from all the people and all the noise. Your body will get used to studying and when you sit your butt down you will be ready to go day after day.

Can you study when you’re depressed? Can you study when you’re distracted? Yes if you’ve pre-planned your study time you just know that’s what you’re going to do for that period of time and your body clock will get used to it. You know it will be over soon, so you can be depressed later. Also when you’re studying for long hours make sure you vary you’re right and left brain activity, if you’re studying for math take a break and write a creative story, if you were studying something that’s creative, on your break add some numbers together. It’s kind of cool how that works. Of course move your body when you take breaks to take walks around the block or do jumping jacks

How do we study for a test? How do we make the best use of our time? When you are in your class listen to your professor. Listen with 100% of you. Be completely present. Feel what they’re saying, listen, pay attention. When you’re done with class you’ve got it in your mind and you don’t really need to go home and study much.

These are simple tips but hold yourself accountable, very tightly, don’t budge. Let everyone you know, know that you are studying. They know not to bug you or interrupt you unless there is blood or smoke involved! Stick to your guns, do it!

Thanks for listening!  If you enjoyed today's episode I would be grateful if you would leave me a quick review and rating on iTunes (click here) so I have feedback!  Also, subscribe if you haven't already so you can be alerted when a new episode comes out.  That would mean the world to me, thank you so much!

If you want the episode show notes and a full transcript go to www.whatstopsyou.com

I would Love to hear your comments on todays topic!  How this information has helped you?

Talk soon Dar-lings!

What could it be? Is there a magic thing that will make a marriage work? I say YES!

Here is! The number one thing that will make a relationship work. HAVE TWO PEOPLE WITH THEIR SHIT TOGETHER!

Having a life that works. A life that is active and not reactive. A life that allows you to be reasonable, trustworthy, and reliable. How about fun and present in the moment?

No one is perfect. Everyone has issues. What are your triggers, what are your weaknesses and issues? But nonetheless, IT'S NOT NICE TO YOUR PARTNER TO BE A MESS. It is not nice to your partner to gain 100 lbs! it is not nice to your partner to be an alcoholic.

Take a mini-assessment of yourself. And ask your self: WOULD YOU WANT TO BE MARRIED TO YOU??

Of course, we need to communicate and show love, and it is nice to have things in common but quit expecting your partner to hang with you and your crap.

Get your shit together and date and marry someone who does too!

There you go. Get busy!

Take my balanced Living Wheel assessment www.whatstopsyou.com/ebook and see where you are mucked up, so you can take action to fix your life!!

Thanks for listening!  If you enjoyed today's episode I would be grateful if you would leave me a quick review and rating                  on iTunes (click here) so I have feedback!  Also, subscribe if you haven't already so you can be alerted when a new episode comes out.  That would mean the world to me, thank you so much!

If you want the episode show notes and a full transcript go to www.whatstopsyou.com

I would Love to hear your comments on todays topic!  How this information has helped you?

Talk soon Dar-lings!

Thanks for listening!  If you enjoyed today's episode I would be grateful if you would leave me a quick review and rating on iTunes (click here) so I have feedback!  Also, subscribe if you haven't already so you can be alerted when a new episode comes out.  That would mean the world to me, thank you so much!

If you want the episode show notes and a full transcript go to www.whatstopsyou.com

I would Love to hear your comments on todays topic!  How this information has helped you?

Talk soon Dar-lings!

Do you need anger management activities for adults, or do you need anger management therapy or online anger management classes? 

Well you may need none of them after this short podcast. The first step is understanding what anger is! 

I have seven points we go through on how to understand anger and its intent, core emotions and how much anger is actually useful, and sometimes necessary. 

I talk about balance and having too much anger can destroy you and can be a contributing factor in causing cancer or any terrible disease. 

We’ll go through an exercise of the last time you were angry and apply all of these skills and tools. 

When you understand the premise of anger and what emotions truly lies underneath, then you can focus on those emotions and take immediate action towards success.

Anger has its place, so learn where and when and how, to be in control of your life.

If you want the episode show notes and a full transcript go to www.whatstopsyou.com

I would Love to hear your comments on todays topic!  How this information has helped you?

Talk soon Dar-lings!

I share a spiritual experience where I felt that I went to heaven or beyond this earth or for just a moment with my loved ones who have passed. My experience was so deep and full it’s almost impossible to explain. It’s hard to talk about without a lump in my throat.

To explain the light of love. To explain the love that’s in the water, and in the music, in gods world. The way God looks at us with such deep honor, and respect, and cherished love, almost a violent crushing love with no judgment. He/She sees us as beings of light. Light is love so He sees us as beings of love!  With this state of love, manifesting becomes completely natural to manifest our dreams, to manifest money or relationships. It’s just a byproduct. I hope that you can feel and change yourself by listening to this podcast. Know you are wrapped in not only my love, but the love of the universe, the higher consciousness and your creator, your God.

Thanks for listening!  If you enjoyed today's episode I would be grateful if you would leave me a quick review and rating on iTunes (click here) so I have feedback!  Also, subscribe if you haven't already so you can be alerted when a new episode comes out.  That would mean the world to me, thank you so much!

If you want the episode show notes and a full transcript go to www.whatstopsyou.com

I would Love to hear your comments on todays topic!  How this information has helped you?

Talk soon Dar-lings!

Well, first of all, the definition Family today has changed. Family is, "a self-defined group if intimates who create and maintain themselves through their own interactions. It may include voluntary and involuntary relationships. It evolves through time and has a history, a present and a future (Turner, West, 2018).

Nonetheless, society pushes the fact that family is biological. Society promotes the need to have a spouse and children. Society asks, “Who will take care of you when you’re old? Who will you have Thanksgiving with when you’re older?”

Well, the fact is there are people everywhere and when you’re ready you can find friends in every corner and all over the place that shares a lot of similarities. You can find people to do things with when you’re ready and call them family. But for today let’s talk about where you start when you’re 50 and living alone or have no social system, yet.

I’d like you to stand up and look in the mirror. The person looking back at you is your family. They know you better than anyone else. They know what you’ve been through and what your hopes and fears and dreams are. That is the person that you want a long-term beautiful relationship with!

I went on a walk right before this podcast with my best friend. She listens to everything I say, helps me understand how I feel, never judges me and I was always there for me. My best friend is “me“. I can always count on her.

On "our" walk, even though it was dreary and cold, there were naked trees along the walkway, and the sky was dark and yucky,  I went into my own story. I imagined beautiful leaves and imagined the residual snow on the side of my path to be gold. I walked on the curb practicing my balance and took a video of my shadow dancing to the music of Queen.

"We" had a great time.

Other things you can do with your best friend-your family- yourself, decorate your room exactly how YOU want. If you’re a guy make it just the way you want, all tough and stuff. But go for it. Make it awesome! I became single at age 57, oh no! It was so fun though to go into Walmart and buy a bed-in-a-bag. I got yellow pillows and a yellow bedspread. I painted the deck out of my bedroom purple! Because I can. I put stickies  all over the room “I am younger now, I love my life, the skies the limit, etc…” My room was a beautiful place! 

When you’re by yourself you can have a fun evening doing a wine tasting evening with a roasted chicken, guacamole, and hummus, you can have a hot tub party with you and you.  You could volunteer at a pet shelter or senior games as I did, which was supersonic rewarding. I love it and I’m going to do it again. Also, make sure to find your sacred space or a safe space outside and visit it off and where you can.

When you’re ready to get out there check out meetup.com and enter your city. Boom you will have tons of groups from basket weaving, dog walking, cooking, to hiking. Sign up for the ones you want and only participate when you’re in the mood. You will end up with more friends/family than you ever wanted.

It doesn’t matter if you have no blood family, you can create your systems with other people or with yourself in a beautiful way, now. During the best years of your life!!!!

If you want the episode show notes and a full transcript go to www.whatstopsyou.com

I would Love to hear your comments on todays topic!  How this information has helped you?

Talk soon Dar-lings!

My definition of communication is a flow of understanding. Verbal and nonverbal communication means we are always communicating. Always? “But I am ignoring him. I’m not telling a thing, he doesn’t deserve it.” Are they still communicating? We shall see. 

Fact: we communicate in conscious and observable ways both verbal and nonverbally, but today, I’m going to take it deeper... we sometimes communicate in mysterious ways, AND unconscious. Its all about a flow of understanding. How do we do that?

1. Overt-observable, active communication, using effective communication skills. Verbal communication: reflective listening, backtracking, listening, caring, touching, leaning in etc. 
     
   
2. Covert communication is not seen. If you were looking in a window it would not be noticed. Characteristics of nonverbal can be movement and body language. Unconscious implied communication is so powerful. 
   

In my podcast, I tell two very poignant stories about how communication can be either expressed with a THOUGHT in your head, or by some mysterious way that bees communicate. They are still relaying a message, we just don’t know how the heck they are doing it. 

If you want the episode show notes and a full transcript go to www.whatstopsyou.com

I would Love to hear your comments on todays topic!  How this information has helped you?

Talk soon Dar-lings!

Reinventing yourself after 50? Well, join the club. There are millions of us that feel like we’re going through puberty again but the opposite direction. Oh goodness. What is happening? But, 50 and fabulous is natural when you reinvent yourself in an appropriate way, not all at once but let it unfold. 

Get out the door and be social with people or alone. Have close and deep relationships when your social or just surface chatting over a drink... Set your alarm and get up and go do things. Get a job, get to the park with your dog, go to a Meet up with a group of like-minded individuals. 

But what do you wear? How do you dress your age? How do you dress your truth? Carol Tuttle talks a lot about that and I recommend checking her out. She’s an awesome resource. Through your expression and your dress learn how to express yourself and know how to look good. 

I talk about the fact that living your truth is possible when we understand that we actually dress our insides. We don’t dress our bodies as much as our insides. If you feel sexy even if you’re overweight or out of shape a person might dress sexy, if your personality is conservative inside you may dress conservatively even if you have a beautiful physical body. Isn't that cool to know? Our physical bodies in terms of health also reflect on how we feel, so get up, get to the gym, feel fresh. 

We then talked about how to behave to be fabulous. How about to flirt with your man over 50? How do you flirt with our significant other? How about being a little more sexual and enjoying that with a smile on your face?

Being fabulous over 50 is truly wonderful as we live our best years!!

If you want the episode show notes and a full transcript go to www.whatstopsyou.com

I would Love to hear your comments on todays topic!  How this information has helped you?

Talk soon Dar-lings!