My Health Update

I Named my Tumor Alice/Albert

Original diagnosis August 2021: Stage 4 Neuroendocrine carcinoma. Four inch tumor in my liver and 4 other 1” tumors in the liver. Originated in the cecum. Treatment: Landriotide shot once a month (11K/mo!). Hopefully holding the tumors at bay. 

Behind the scenes updates: 

*Current updates are directly below. Scroll down for past updates.

March 28, 2023

Hi friends. A few days after everyone started praying for us, it was magical because I had so much hope infused. I had no hope the day before and was falling into depression. The next day I woke up chipper with Hope…like, “Of course this is going to work, duh.”

Thank you for that. Hope is the first step to full change.

Two days after radiation, I could literally feel the tumors being attacked, like they were sizzling, similar to if you open a can of Coke after shaking it.

The pressure under my ribs has lessened substantially, after the first week! (before I had so much pressure, I thought the tumors were going to break my ribs )

I’m having super odd symptoms of being super hot inside, I know Albert (I named my tumors Albert) is getting fried and is leaving my body.

The week after radiation, as mentioned, was horrific, but since then I’ve had about 10 days with NO nausea !!!!!

What? I’ve been nauseated constantly for a year and a half!

I’ve been so hungry, everything looks good, it’s like all the sudden I can eat, and then I eat, and then I eat, Ray just laughs at me… I’m like, “This is so yummy. Don’t talk to me right now, I’m eating!”

Then my birthday came with birthday cake and too much food. It was a little much, so hanging with a little nausea now but so much improved. I’ve gained 5 pounds back which I really needed. Now I’m back on my eating routine.

This is a process and I need to be patient. Thankful I have a home and Ray to be comfortable when I’m not comfortable. I’m hanging to myself and laying low these days. I’m having some adverse symptoms which I may talk about later.

I attribute all the successes of my treatment, to your continued thoughts and prayers. Thank you from the bottom of our hearts. 

...

March 16, 2023

Update, post radiation:

Woah, hold it back, Betsy!!

Oh my gosh!!!!!!!!!!!

I can safely say that last week was the worst week of my life.

Ray said he wishes he had a video of me last week to compare to todays mania! Cleaning, organizing, walking on the treadmill at a 10 incline, cleaning the garage, singing in the kitchen etc. But it’s mania, not happy normal!

Radiation day, March 7th. went swimmingly.

…Kiddingly, I called it my Spa Day, because I was being pampered with IVs in both arms, had snacks and had my own private room, ha, trying to be positive. I felt so very hopeful.

but the 7 days following, were HORRIBLE!!!!!!!! The worst abdominal pain I’ve ever had in my life. Worst pain including hip replacements and hysterectomy. !!

Morphine type pain, nausea and physical abdominal pain so excruciatingly severe like a hot poker, poking in the center of my stomach and sticking up under my ribs. Ate 600 total total calories in three days.

I had to quarantine to my basement for 3 days because of being so radio active. So Ray would bring me food. (Luckily our basement has 12 foot ceilings, huge kitchen, a theatre and gym. Lol. None of which I used while squirming frantically in pain…I tell you that because you might have a visual of me suffering and banned to a cellar type basement LOL.)

Now I look like a skinny little ol dying lady…

And today I’m starving and starving, I want to eat two or three steaks in a row. But instead, I have to eat a little and slowly. Wait, now do I have an eating disorder. Oh hell 

And my brain is off. Sometimes I feel disabled. Can’t form my words, feel lost, forget things. But if I focus I can be ok. Oh no, I have my business to run, which I love.

But had to cancel all clients this last week.

Yesterday I went back on my high dose Vit C. Will start Wave therapy next week. I’m Following naturopaths regimen of herbs, etc, and all the rest. I’m on my plan.

Can’t add anything new for a few months or my brain will explode from trying to follow too many directions. So if u have a book, or video I may be more open in a month or so.

Nonetheless, I just finished my new book!!! I’ve been writing every day. (when not sick). It’s heading to the second run of editing. Thank goodness for a team tho!!!

I’m more excited about this book than any I’ve done…

So that is good for my brain but over whelming.

I appreciate your prayers more than you know .

Your prayers have boyd us up and given us hope!

I guess my new affirmation needs to be:

“The radiation is frying ALL the tumors, and I process the radiation Simply.

I’m excited for tomorrow.”

Honestly I can literally feel the tumors reacting to being fried.

A new and odd pain in my body where tumors are. Shoulders, hips, back, sternum, liver. In meditation I can feel them freaking out. Then the pain of them freaking out moves to the next tumor, then the next. Such a surprisingly odd feeling.

Feb 5, 2023

Took me almost a month to post here about the results of the PET scan above.... Too surreal. The new diagnosis is horrible. Don't like to talk about it.

My abdomen was in so much pain last Sunday Feb 5, that Ray had to run me to the ER. Six hours of testing found a little swelling in the gall bladder and other organs. But no stones or sludge. And nothing else. Yep medical docs have their strengths and weaknesses. 

But the pain!! Why? They put my on morphene and nausia medicine. Um, ya that could be addicting because it works! 

A few days later I got a call and they said I had a UTI. So I am on the dreaded antibiotics. Its a week later and the pain as marginally decreassed. What the heck!!! 

I have such pain in the liver. Alice is growing. It makes me sick to think about it!!!! Such pressure under the ribs that i have to wear a lose bra and fold yoga pands down so they don't press on my stomach. I have had diarrhea for almost two years!!! I can feel my gall bladder and pancrease failing. 

It is surreal having to WAIT for the PRRT drug to hit the tumors. Seems like they better hurry and get that treatment ready. But the drug is in high demand. Sometimes I don't think I will last that long. I know they are working on it. 

I feel like i am running a marathon in circles. Almost all my family and friends have a cure. The other day, at one of Ray's concerts, his friend's friend came up to me and said that her sister was cured from cancer by eating asparagus. Others say be vegetarian, others or most say eat an alaline diet. I can't eat amost anyting so to spend my day researching an asparagus diet, well...And just to have it run out the other end of me... Help!!!

I have eaten organic, high alkaline, low acidic, no wheat, not dairy, best i can, for 15 or more years. I give up. 

As i research more and more, neuroendocrine cancer is caused by genetic mutations which i have. And in additoin to the neuroendocrine markers I have Lynch disease, Mutations of MTHFFR and CMT.  

I could explain all this but again, I hate taking about it. I could spend my WHOLE life trying to fix this instead of living each moment. 

I'm going to go bungee jumping, sky diving, and deep sea fishing today, so I'll be back later. 

Late January 2023

Results of the PET scan showed significant progression of the disease with growth in all the tumors. The cancer has now metastasized from my cecum to the live and now into my  BONES.   Spots scattered throughout my skeleton in my shoulder, femur, hip, back, etc. All tumors are neuroendocrine tumors.

Summary is, the monthly shot that I’m getting right now is not working anymore and the disease is progressing

Treatment moving forward: will be to take me off this monthly Landriotide shot and then have radiation treatments.  It’s administered through an IV and I will be given four doses over the course of eight months. I may loose my hair temporarily.

It’s a site specific, targeted radiation, administered through an IV, This specific radiation is formulated to find only Nero endocrine tumors, join the tumor receptors, and shoot radiation into the tumor itself, deep into the center. !!

Take that!

Problem is the radiation type, (PRRT) (Luthathera) is in high demand and low supply, so my oncologist put in an order and needs to jump through hoops. He said I may have to wait 2 to 4 months to even get it.  Oh no… I'm so sick all the time! 

He said studies show that with this treatment, it typically shrinks the tumors significantly and symptoms don’t start to reoccurring until about five years. And then you have to look at whats next. 

He has one patient that finished her last round of treatments after eight months, and is feeling “normal.“ That would be a dream.

I’m now learning that this monthly shot I’ve been getting is what is attacking my pancreas’ ability to produce digestive enzymes and also causing my gallbladder to shut down. I may be needing my gallbladder removed

Doctor says that eventually what you die from with neuroendocrine cancer is liver failure. Nero endocrine grows slowly, but I think I’ve had it for 5-10 years so at one point it just starts to freak out, and I think that’s where I am.

But I still have to be on the monthly shot until we get the radiation so here’s hoping we can get that SOON so that the shot stops killing off my pancreas, gallbladder, etc. I can’t eat and getting malnutritioned  and have lost 15 lbs.

I feel soooooo sick most days. It’s hard to go anywhere- and  all my posts on SM are fake-struggling smiles.  My liver is full of 8 tumors. One is 3” big.  Gross.

I’ve done everything that I can, that I know of, to treat this spiritually, emotionally, Eastern homeopathic’s, and Western medicine.

I’m doing the best I can, that’s all the angels are doing. (Verl Taylor)

I let go, and say, “Life is perfect. I trust the process.” 

Thankful, there’s a treatment possibility. Who knows what they will come up with in the next few years to come. 

January 9, 2023

Oncologist was unhappy with the CT scan results. They came back with unclear measurements. He wanted the radiologist to re measure them so it was apples to apples. He said it is like measuring your shoe. One measurment may include the sole and the other doesn't count the sole so the readings can not be compared. 

Had to wait over Christmas and New years to find that indeed Alice has grown .80 of an inch in half a year. The Doctor said that was "excessive growth" No Alice, (the biggest of 5 tumors) is 3 1/3 inches, plus the four other that are over an inch. Thats about 7-8 inches of Tumors. That is alot of liver realestate in my little liver inside my little ribs. I can feel -them now. And there is pressure and sometimes hurts enough to need pain meds. 

So the monthly shot isn't working!

He wants me to have a PET scan to be thorough with better readings and will mostlikely start radiation!

One IV radiation treatment per month for four months. He says the radiation will be attempting to be "cite specific" and targeted to neuroendocrine tumors...Temorary hair loss and more sickness-nausia, vomiting, dirreah etc.. I'm alrady as weak as a noodle. Every 10 days I feel great and act normal and post on SM and I am really just a fake, looking happy....&*()%

I meditated for hours and hours and hours last year and felt her laying low. But she has risen back up and I just can't keep that up--listening to her intent, what she (it) is trying to communicate etc. Now I'm ready for them to just fry the shit out of her and all of them.

Alice be gone!

And my gall bladder isn't working so i need a tests run called a HIDAscan. And may need my gallbladder out.  And my pancrease isn't working so still taking CREON.

The thing is, Cancer never really kills you, it kills your organs, which then kills you. 

Dr. Elmore's remidies made me sicker than I have been to date. In bed 6 days out of 6. Felt a little better and tried a girls night in SLC. Saturday... Felt like I was drunk driving. (although I have never driven drunk, that's the best way to describe it.) The way back was soo bad I had to pull over every 10 minutes for 15 minute rest. Ray was about to come get me. But he talked to me the whole way.

I need to introduce Elmores remidies more slowly!!! So I'm taking half doses. For low thyrid, aluminum detox (he thinks my cancer culprit is alluminum) hormone flushing, omegas, gall bladder support etc. 

My quality of life sucks. 

No words of faith here.

January 3, 2023

DANG

Not good today.

Met with my Doc to get a review of my CT scan and he said that the radiologist read the sizing wrong so we don't know if Alice is growing or not. 

Ya,

Also I fired my NP. Her beside manner was not too good. She would talk medical terms including gene mutations and then be offended if I asked her to repeat. She also said I was alergic to EVERYTHING and scared the *hit out of me. When it was really that I just couldn't digest. CREON has helped

Magically I felt good on New years eve!! Ray had a huge gig at a private party. It was amazing. The guy had 45 collector cars displayed and one of them was worth half a million. Ray did awesome the band was strong!! I danced till I could drop. Wet hair like a wet rag. See what I mean, my health is random. I guess I taught aerobics for 25 years so I know how to work out when the mood hits. I wasn't even sore the next day. 

I'm so grateful that I was super fit before Alice decided to make herself known. 

But I met with Dr. Steve Elmore yesterday. He is a chiropracter and has focused on non traditional Eastern healing for years. I took all my kids to him when they were young. He had me go off half of what my NP suggested and gave me another boat load. Products my body is supposed to like. But after taking them yesterday I had the runs worse than ever. Complete shut down of body and mind. This morning as I drag, I am going to take them through out the day, slowly and see what happenes. My body needs them but they run through me. I'm discouraged. 

Watched some youtube videos on neuroendocrine carcinoma and I think I am actually being too positive. It is serious and it is hard for even the strongest minds to not "go there" How will it end? What am I in for? What does my life look like now? I feel like a big fake on SM and when in crowds. My sister says I look different. Neat! Do I look like one of those decrepid, dying cancer people?

Other than all that, my life is perfect. Were going to Ocean side CA, in a few weeks for a few weeks. Staying at Ray's friend's house while they are out of town. Looking forward to getting away w my man. 

December 20, 2022 Tuesday

CT scan today.

Get to drink yummy radiation vanilla drink today:)

Meet with the Dr. Thursday the 15th. for results...

December 19, 2022

A day in the life of me..

Feeling so sick, like a D minus because I ate so much of my grand nephew’s birthday cake yesterday!! (I did take my CREON drug but DAR!!!! I was like a freaking addict that’s having a terrible hangover but I still wants more.
Cake is one of my Addictions.!! Ray just flipped his eyes. 

Trying to feel better because I have three clients this evening! Oh no. I can't cancel again. To bed I go...

Earlier we went to Walgreens to pick up prescriptions, go Tanner Clinic to pick up the radiation contrast for my CT scan tomorrow, then go to Tibbits pharmacy to pick up more drugs.

It was a wonderful day, LOL because Ray went with me and we got to talk the whole time.  We even took a Olympus so he could run around outside at the pharmacy. 

 A wonderful day. Drugs, meds, and a scenic drive...

Lol!

WhatSTOPSyou.come...

December 16, 2022

OH MY GOSH!!! Maybe yay…

My stomach has been gurgling after I eat for the last few days…. I can’t remember what I’ve said or not so I may repeat. (I’m new to this blog)

My pancreas has decided to quit. Maybe Alice poked it… who knows…But from a stool sample, they determined that I have critical Pancreatic Elastase. Which means that my pancreas is not releasing ANY enzymes to digest my food. So, I eat, and 10 mins later WHERE’S THE BATHROOM!” The worst. And because of this I have been completely malnutrition-ed for the last year. I feel like I have aged 10 years in the last year. Eu…. I feel frail… ok don’t laugh. That is not me, fragile?? And WEAK, Like I say, I feel like a wet noodle…Wth…

Yes, I have been taking enzymes given from my Nurse Practitioner but they only kind of help…

So, after my colonoscopy (I know I am repeating a bit) he prescribed a drug called CREON, which has pig pancreas in it (who cares) and some drug to makes my pancreas work with digestion.

This morning after cheerios and oat milk, my stomach growled. I googled it and GOOD NEWS I think!

Google said:

The noises your stomach makes, called borborygmi, are normal intestinal sound that occur during the DIGESTIVE process!!!!!!!

Really? Do you think I can finally get nutrients and not have to find a restroom every second? I actually (believe it or not) need to gain a bit of weight back. I’m starting to feel like a little old scrawny lady. HAHAH!!! (thumbs down)

Such a great Christmas gift sound-a gurgling stomach!!! Thank you Father Time, and God.  

Trust me, I have a sandwich bag of CREON in my purse, in my car, in Ray’s car and in two cupboards in my house… Like a diabetic I have to take two pills every time I eat, and of course I need to eat clean.

Evening December 15th, 2022

Yuck!

Today we planned to go up to Snowbasin to lunch so I could get a feel of the resort and remember how I used to be an average skier in case I decided to start up again. Which is my goal?

And then go to Ray’s mom’s house, take her to the hairdresser and put up her Christmas tree, but guess what I did instead?

I laid  in bed ALL day long.!!! (after working with Emily for about an hour and a half on my website) Or on the couch or my fuzzy zebra rug. Watching TV or doing absolutely nothing, and I totally love it, in a funny sort of way.

But I feel like a wet rag, and like I have a corset around my ribs. Why?

Now the thing that serves me least, “fear”, is creeping in. I’m tired. 

I’m turning agoraphobic for sure.

It even freaked me out when the doorbell rang with an Amazon delivery. 

(yes, I take vitamin D with K, yes, I take methylated, vitamin B12, yes, I took my enzymes when I ate today, yes, I take about 10 other things that are actually poignantly recommended or prescribed… glutathione, DHEA drops, sometimes colloidal, silver, vitamin C, mix, vegetable powder,  sometimes turmeric, a couple pinches of baking soda. yes, I try to eat fruits and vegetables, gerrr, Etc, etc...)

Tired. And listless.

Feelings December 2022

I looked back at this blog and realized I haven’t updated anything for one year, until the last month...

When this turn started, my emotions were deep. My thoughts were layered. I went into my cocoon.

I let it lie, I let myself flow, I let the universe do what It needed to do. I moved with the Zen of knowing I CREATED my cancer at an unconscious level. I stepped back. I experienced the thickness of being alone all day when Ray worked full time last near. Always alone but never lonely. Not because I had people because I really don’t have peeps much like I did. My kids all live a state away. And being new to Syracuse, my friend circle changed. I relied on me, my spirit, who I AM and how I fit in the whole picture of reality.

I was quiet, I was still, I listened. I meditated with the life beyond, and my Creator, father, and center of love. I felt eternal vibrations inside me. I smiled. I Let Go. I trusted the process of life.

I felt, I studied, I slept, I held still, I traveled miles into the depth of my soul and my emotions. I got in touch with Alice and what she wanted. I loved her, I thanked her. I listened to her. She talked to me in metaphors, she is confused yet has many messages for me. In the quietness of my mind, I am understanding her message on so many levels. I have healed childhood beliefs, triggered feelings, stuck energy, I have forgiven others and myself and most importantly though a series of events finally know that I am loved by others. Sounds silly but one thing I learned is that I actually never ever really, really felt that others loved me. I know they like me and love me like a friend or associate but I didn’t know how to accept that my mom loved me or anyone else. After a few experiences, with this situation, I had a deep cellular knowledge that I AM loved. There are few that love me, deeply, and I accept that and I am grateful for that feeling that I felt for the first time.

I have naturally grounded into, that not much is important besides LOVE. Fear is my enemy; love is all we are to learn here on earth. To BE the person we were before our body arrived on earth. How special this earth is. The dirt, the sun, the weeds, the snow dusted trees, the dinnerware on the table, the hair on my head, my desk, my mind, my dogs and most of all my perfect-for-me-husband. I don’t want to leave this dimension, but I look forward to when I do, because the constant vibration of love in the Next dimension sounds really good. Doesn’t it?

In my stillness, I commune with my dad and mom, sister, brother, sister in law, x mother in laws, my x husband John, Grandparents and all my dozens of dogs. I am not alone. I am loved.

I have become more solid, more than I ever have in my spiritual beliefs. I have realized that this scare could have made me look at my beliefs and possibly backwards into the religion I was raised in, or adjust my beliefs. But no, I am ever so GRATEFUL that I have not shifted one iota from what I believed before this twist in life. I have just deepened what I already believed before this. Love is a vibration, and all life has energy. God’s energy is the battery and the light of this world. I strive to abide with high frequencies of gratitude and love. To stay far from contention and strive for peace.  Peace as a state.

• I have been through so much this last year and half. These days, date night looks like this. Go to my NP to get a blood draw, then dinner and a movie.
• Next day, get my Alice monthly $11,000 shot that takes 40 seconds to get in me!! Then go to lunch with friends. Then lay down.
• Next day, go to lab corp to get another blood draw, go home and go to bed. I am happy and love my bed.
• Next week, go to NP and get a vitamin bag IV that takes 4 hours
• go to cancer center to blood draw for doc to look at in the next apt.
• Next Drink radiation for no reason because of rescheduling CT scan
• Scream after my colonoscopy because I had no food for days and I had a pancreatic attack and Ray almost picked my up and took me to ER.

I am adjusting to my new normal. To stop hiking for a moment, running, even working out. Although with my new digestive enzymes, I am starting to feel physical stronger. My last goal of life is to climb Mt Olympus, again with my dog named Olympus. (I’ve climbed that mountain 9 times and it was easy) I will strive towards that one step at a time.

I Love Ray, I Love Summer, I love Cassidy and Laure, I love Moshe', I love Jasmine and Spencer, I love Love Eden and Ryan. I love all 14 of the little people they have created. my grandkids! I love my parent's and siblings and i love my girl and guy friends. Every one. At a deep level.  

Dec 14, 2022  

(Original diagnosis: Stage 4 Neuroendocrine carcinoma. Four inch tumor in my liver and 4 other 1” tumors in the liver. Originated in the cecum)

My CT scan is finally rescheduled for my one year check in. Now I get to wait until next week to find out if Alice has shrunk or grown.YES I’m scared. Do I live or die? Don’t judge me that I’m a Dr. of Human Behavior and can’t use my stuff on me all the time.

I have done SOOO much meditation about her and with her, listening to what Alice wants and wants to communicate. I know she shrunk a few months ago as per a gall bladder ultrasound, but each scan still creeps fear inside me… What will happen. I know it’s a repeat but my sister and brother both died at my age or younger from cancer. I know it can happen.

My digestive pills seem to be “helping” but my few comfort treats don’t help. I am not really addicted to food but I LOVE triple buttered popcorn, Diet Dr. Pepper and coffee yummy drinks like the season’s Pumpkin Spice. All so gross! Euuuu

Song from Jeopardy… wait, wait, wait.

I feel like I need to let my Social Media peeps know. Everyone comments on how much energy I have!!! How positive I am. How strong and successful I am… And we all know that we ALL hate those influencers that photo shop and only show the happy, fun, beautiful side. The fake people. That’s me now!

But, my page on biz FB, insta, youtube, etc. is not about me and my life. It is about you and your life. I seldomly talk about me unless it completely applies to what my post’s message is about. So I have privacy in my own life. But I think it is gone too far. Because too many people are commenting on how well I am living and have such a perfect life. I am now feeling like a fake… If you only knew.

Dec 13, 2022

Sometime when I have energy, I need to share the meditation I’ve done in my bathtub for sometimes two hours at a time. Powerful stuff.

To listen to Alice and ask her what she wants for me and what her purpose is. It’s been very spiritual and enlightening and amazing and surprising the things that I found and learned!

But just when I’ve meditated on Alice then I have to meditate on the gall bladder and now the pancreas. What a puzzle this whole thing is!

December 12, 2022

I’ve totally been lying to everyone. I thought I don’t want to burden everyone with my stuff. And I can fake it well enough. Well, what happens is I look so healthy and active with mojo on social media that people will invite me places and wonder why I flake out. They don’t realize that when I’m not on camera, most of the time I’m like a wet noodle.

Try to stand up a wet noodle.

I am in bed at least a fourth of every single day sometimes more. I’m happy I’m OK I’m content it’s the process but my energy is like a D minus sometimes a C+ at best. My nausea is starting to shift because of the drug CREON which is now my best friend, that I need in my food storage, which helps my pancreas digest a metal freaking enzyme so I can freaking eat.

But I can only handle one small thing a day. The weirdest thing, is this all must be connected to my brain. When my brain gets overloaded, Oopsie daisy back in bed weird huh? It makes me dizzy brain, frog, and no energy if my mind gets too busy I shut down physically. Alice is endocrine cancer and hormonal so I guess my thoughts are connected. So well then, G… shit.

If I had emojis on my computer I wouldn’t have to swear so much, but I’m so expressive, I pop out words. Anyone who knows me knows that I do that and always have. Ha. Thanks for not judging.

December 8^th, 2022

I’m crying today.

Had a CT scheduled for today. Weirdly, I had a little tickle in my throat and a tiny cough. I was obsessing about, “What if I cough in the machine???? Or what if I prep drinking 3 cups of RADIATION, and they cancel because I can’t answer the question do you have a cough? I only cough once per a few hours. OH no.
I need the answers of the test because it is my year follow through to see if I am going to live, die or just continue to dwindle.

~~So I decided that before my test in the morning, to take a fourth of a Xanax,(don’t need much)  and a Tylenol before my procedure to calm me down. Since SADLY I can’t do the things I tell my clients about: relaxing, reframing what is going on, going to my happy place, changing the meaning of my thinking, have faith, change the pictures in my head, step back and see the whole picture and know everything is alright. Everything is perfect.

!!!!! I wake up… with trepidation I began to drink the liquid RADIATION. I sat on my bed ready to lay down and say, “Cool, this is my life” I looked at my phone and realized I had a VM. I listened to it and it was the hospital CANCELING my CT scan scheduled that day!! The CT machine was being repaired!

HAHAHA is all I can say. I just drank 1/4^th of the bottle of the radiation drink!!

I went into the bathroom and tried to throw up. Get out of me, Fing radiation!! I tried and tried and couldn’t puke… So I am sitting here at my computer full of radiation typing this. Keeping my dogs and husband away from me.

Then after I get over feeling sick, because I am so dizzy it is hard to type, I will get ready for the day later, and make a reel for SM on some topic of psychology.

See how I am a big fake?

Honestly it’s OK. It’s what it is. There is no one anywhere that is not going through something.

November 2022 Gall bladder

So, I had an ultrasound on my gall bladder. Zero stones. Ok what the heck. The technician saw Alice, my 4” liver tumor and measured it. Findings show that Alice had SHRUNK by ½ inch.

Meditations

I haven’t even gone into all the meditation I have done. The listening to Alice. Loving her, asking her what she wants. The learning I received were exponential. Life altering. Grateful for the gift. I know I had made a difference.

On a Grade from A to F, I’ve been about a C- in terms of nausea and weakness for the last year. I NEVER feel good. Many times my nausea is an F and it’s to bed I go. When I’m in bed, I actually like it. It’s like climbing into the womb. Safe, warm, nice.

Nov, 2022

We finally found out through a stool sample test that I have pancreatic elastase. Probably caused by my cancer which means I can’t digest food because my pancreas isn’t producing digestive enzymes, So, I’ve lost a lot of weight and I am malnutrition. I think I have aged, 10 years in the last year. 

Had a thorough colonoscopy two weeks ago. Had to prep on a Tuesday for the procedure on Wednesday, they called me at 5:00 pm and had to cancel my procedure because my insurance didn’t cover the IMC hospital! Shit. I had already done half the prep!!!! (thumbs down) I’m already having issues with getting enough food as it is! I am starving all the time!! And having the most sever issues with digestion so this felt deadly to me.

So now I can eat on Wed because the procedure is re scheduled to Friday. But I’m too sick to eat on Wednesday and I have to prep AGAIN on Thursday. This could all be funny if it was on TV with Will Ferrell. So on Wed I ate oatmeal and a taste of yogurt. Preped on Thursday and now I am for sure starving. Bent over in pain. Procedure on Friday at noon. Starving.

Good news he found NOTHING. Super clean. He went up and down twice. And did an endoscopy too. He is stumped. But we conclude that it is the pancreatic elastase making me sick so he prescribed a drug CREON. Take two pills w each meal.

Meanwhile. After the procedure, we went to IHOP because I was sooo starving. Lost so much weight. We had to feed me soo and because Boomes don’t have food in their fridges we found the quickest place to eat ! LOL

I got a vege omelet. Age 1/3…. Got home… Oh no!! Oh hell. Bent over. And started screaming, crying, falling in bed. Sobbing. Ray gave me a Tylenol and 800 Ibuprofen. And CBD/THC. Almost had to go to the ER.

After googling what happened we think it was a pancreatic attack!!! What ever that is.

Today, I don’t ever know what to eat. But since taking the CREON, I have had a few meals that weren’t lettuce. I salivated! I savored the taste. I had mouth gasms! Haha.

I feel like a skinny old lady. What EVES.

My Instagram/Youtube/etc is growing and moving. But I feel like I am totally lying to the audience about my apparent energy and zest. I grog myself to get up every day. I slither to eat what… freaking oatmeal again? Then I get ready and record reels.

One time I felt ok and recorded 22 reels in one day. LOL. I don’t feel pressure or obligated I just love it. It's my jam.  

Good thing:

I know how to apply modeling/stage makeup really well

I am a great actor. I can turn “on” when the camera rolls

And my content is completely authentic, and substantive with love and concern for my audience.

Little does my audience know that I am dragging, doubled over, weak. Super weak and I sit at my computer and do my thing. The show must go on.

Social media is fun for me. It brings me joy to share a tiny piece of what is in my head. I have soooo much to share. I could do a reel a minute if I had a way to dump my brain that fast. It gives me purpose and I enjoy it. I am past having ego about numbers and likes. I just give. I promote my Amazon books because they are an inexpensive way for people to have some of my knowledge. I love writing them.

August 2022

I haven’t written much because I don’t like talking about it. I was hoping it would all go away. I try to be normal. But most of all I like laying in bed. My muscles are holding on for dear life, probably because I was an aerobics instructor and trainer for 22 years and was consistent.

Sometimes I feel good. Randomly. I go on a 5 mile hike. I hit the treadmill uphill at 10 for half hour maybe an hour. Good for a few days. I fake it and luckily I now how to put makeup on and smile. I’ve been smiling for 65 years now and I’m pretty good at it.

A few months ago I went loop de loop with my gall bladder. Dr. after specialist, pill after pill, blood draw after blood draw. Still nausea!!! Diarrhea!! Constant. Constant. Or clay colored bowl movements which is a direct message something is WRONG. I’ve learned to ALWAYs look in the toilet after you are done.

What is in the tank is one of the best ways to see what is going on inside you. You can google bowl health scale and see what healthy bowels should look like.