The age old question: How do I break up with someone I care about? How do you break up with someone nicely? Without hurting him/her? How about breaking up without hurting myself and making me feel like I am going to die? Today, I want to address the PAIN of breaking up and how to really break free from THAT person  and end up in one piece! PEACE

What will I do? How will I manage, I will miss him. How can I live without her? Oh the things we were going to do! So many thoughts! But underneath it all, the deepest questions is WHO am I if we are not together? This is why breaking up, when you don’t want to, is SO painful!! We have the good memories, the missing out on the future we could have had, the things that could have been, and the loss of someone by our side, the loss of sharing duties, on and on. But as I mentioned the most painful part is who am I?

I have had a few break ups that were so painful, I say I would rather break my leg, than do that again! The pain is so deep, it seems to destroy us! At a core level. At an I AM level! So many layers to the pain. Is there a WAY to break up emotionally?

If you have had enough and you realize it is time to move on, and you are ready, or even if you are not quite ready, but are going to TRY to break up and want to know HOW to break up with someone, listen up. The thing is, your unconscious will reply many of your good memories of the person you are breaking up with. Over and over it plays. Oh how painful it is. There is always good in every relationship. You married or were with this person for a reason! When you close your eyes and remember, it's like it is real again and if feels good again, for a minute. Just know you are doing that. This replaying is called a “counterfactual.” A counterfactual is when the mind replays to try to make more sense out of the experience. What I could have  done, should have done, etc… in a way, it is the unconscious trying process HOW NOT to not make the same mistake gain. This can be a good thing. If we never had a counterfactual reply, we would never learn from our relationships and our doings.

The main thing to help you through a break up is to have faith and hope in your future. To focus on creating it. IT is hard, I KNOW. it seems that you will never ever find a good partner, ever. Our minds loop, and think that if we didn't make this work we are doomed to be alone or to always lose at love.

When I was getting divorced years ago, I did not even like or love my husband, but my mind still found ways to remember good things and replay them over and over. I missed his arms around me. I had a friend say to me, and it rings in my ear today 20 years later, “There are other arms” Soon after, I really did find more arms to wrap me, but this time with safety and honor.

Know you will address this, at the end of this list.

1. Make a list of all your triggers. He rode a racing bike, she used to go to that coffee shop etc. Add to the list every time you think of something else that triggers you. Or hooks you.
2. Make a list of what you WISH they did or were like. (The “Dang it, too bad” list.)
3. Notice your heart. Pull the strings of love out and start flowing them to those that deserve them. Maybe start with your dog. Flow them away from the break up person, back to  your dog or you cute house of something that deserves your love.
4. Check your identity. Who are you? Who are you without them. Ouch… if they were part of you, it is time to take action to BE you, independent of anyone else. Get some mojo!!!!! Read books, sing songs, get out and about, FIND you, BE you!
5. Stop caring about how they feel. Diffuse, dilute, dissipate caring how they feel. Pull that caring how they feel back to your body, breath it back, then flow this to your dog too. I think this is where the saying Lucky Dog comes in. lol
6. See a pic of them in your head. Make it smaller. Change the colors. Change the vibration by slowing it down or speeding it up. Push the pic out about a foot...Notice how the pic has changed. Now notice how the pic is spinning, Take a minute to be mindful and feel it. Now spin it the other direction. Pull it into your chest, feel it, now let it leave your body. Send it out to the universe to go and find a gift this experience gave you. Wait for it…. When it returns, what is the gift?
7. Addressing your counterfactual: What did you learn to NEVER do again? Write it down 4 times.! Thank your unconscious for trying to help you… “Thank you very much but I don't need you to replay it any more!!”
8. Touch your heart. Tap it 20 times.  Love it. Give it love. Rub it slowly.
9. Put sticky notes all over your mirror of what you want to believe about the next relationship. He/she will be my life’s philosophical equal, or they will be kind etc…
10. Every time you think of them, HEAVE a breath breath OUT.  A few times or as many times as it takes to feel differently.
11. Focus on what does work in your life. See all the things you are grateful for.

Make sure to listen to my Can I love again Podcast

Take time to do you! Get to the place where you Love to be with you. You love you.

It’s nice to know you are not alone. You are an amazing soul all by yourself. You do not NEED that person to drag you down. Breath, heave, look forward and create your life. You are the engineer of you life. What are you going to create today ??

Thanks for listening!  If you enjoyed today's episode I would be grateful if you would leave me a quick review and rating on iTunes (click here) so I have feedback!  Also, subscribe if you haven't already so you can be alerted when a new episode comes out.  That would mean the world to me, thank you so much!

If you want the episode show notes and a full transcript go to www.whatstopsyou.com

I would Love to hear your comments on todays topic!  How this information has helped you?

Talk soon Dar-lings!