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The Joy of Holiday Stress

“Stop the noise, stop the traffic, and stop bugging me!” She yells. “Excuse me; is the screaming in my mind bothering you?”

Do you have Hurry-Sickness? Does standing in a long holiday line that is not moving freak you out? Is Santa coming just a bit too soon this year? Do you want to alleviate stress so you can enjoy the holidays? How would this affect your business and personal life? Have you ever wondered what a stress-free life would be like?

The truth is that a stress-free life would be boring and would have no purpose or passion. A stress-free life would be useless and sad. Based on Webster’s definitions, we can see that stress is what causes us to grow and experience life:

Stress : force, pressure, strain, emphasis , force-producing change .

According to this definition, stress is necessary for change . Armed with this knowledge, we can understand that without stress, muscles atrophy and without mental stress (stimulation), our minds would stagnate. It is also true, however, that there is a negative consequence when stress and pressure become too much to bear. A simpler and more appropriate definition may be:

No Stress = Dead or Dead Bored

Appropriate Stress = Progress and Growth

You will be happy to know that you can learn to control your stress by understanding its cause and purpose. You can also learn to shift your stress levels by controlling your thoughts. But first, it is important to know the difference between positive and negative stresses.

Fight vs. Flight Response

At the beginning of time, cavemen experienced the fight or flight syndrome. When under attack, they would respond with either fight, hitting and defending with adrenalin, or flight, running away from the threat.

Today, we may stand at a podium to give a speech and have immense stress. Since it is not appropriate to start screaming or running out of the room, we stand there with all the blood draining out of our brains and extremities. It is hard to think clearly and our legs feel like Jell-O.

Our bodies can handle fight or flight the old fashioned way by hitting or running away, but a fly buzzing around our head all evening is more than we can usually take. It seems that our body’s natural response has no sense of humor.

Natural Responses to Stress

Some of the natural responses to stress are: thyroid hormone increases in the bloodstream, a shut-down of the entire digestive track, increase of cholesterol in the blood, racing heartbeat, blood thickens, skin pales and sweats and all five senses become acute.

Situations that aggravate your stress include bad genetics, insomnia, poor diet, obesity, unrealistic goals, tobacco and caffeine, wrong job, financial distress, and an unstable household.

Situations that help you handle stress are: good genetics, sense of humor, right diet, realistic goals, relaxation skills, enough sleep, planning ahead, financial security, and a stable home.

Handling Stress Constructively

Since we cannot control our genetics, we need to focus on what we do have control of and use it to our benefit.

Remember that positive stress pumps us up, helps us to look forward to things, and keeps us alive with purpose. Since we know that an appropriate amount of stress is wonderful and important to feel alive, the task is to learn how to balance and control stress to have such passion.

Stress is a communication from your body to your mind. Learn to shift your stress levels by controlling your thoughts. What is your stress trying to tell you?

Identify whose issue the stress really belongs to.
If the issue is yours, take care of it. Don’t let it sit and weigh you down.
Are you just taking on someone else’s issue? If so, in your mind, send it back to them or give it to Santa.
What is the meaning that you are making to this stress?
Will it matter in 100 years?
What can you do about it?
What are you going to do about it?
How about focus on something else?

Reduce your stress for the season by following some of these great tips. They will help you to shift “too much stress” into appropriately balanced stress for the season.

Monitor your stress level. Be aware of where you are on a scale of 1-10.
Take 2 minutes to sit back, let go and relax twice a day.
Focus on who you really want to give gifts to this year rather than who you should give to. You don’t have to give so many presents!
Take care of yourself by doing things that make you feel good. Then you will have more energy to help others.
Write your feelings in your day planner so you can see them objectively.
Talk it out. Sit on Santa’s lap and tell him your woes.
Alternate from left brain to right brain activities. Go from balancing your checkbook to walking around the neighborhood and enjoy the lights. From construction work to reading a holiday murder thriller. From talking to people all day to helping your son with algebra. By doing this you remain in a constant state of stress but shift from right brain to left brain, to internal and then external stress.
Cry and then laugh. A hearty, “Ho, Ho, Ho,” is always expressive.
Stop and find what is funny about your stress. Then put on an elf hat and get through it with a little humor.
Discover the limiting beliefs that are causing your stress. A small limiting belief can create tremendous amounts of stress. Once the belief is gone, so is the stress!
Plan ahead and use time management. Go to the mall on Monday mornings when hardly anyone is there.
Say “No” more often. It’s ok to tell your 16 year old, “No, you can’t have a Ferrari for Christmas.”
Lighten up. Don’t take yourself so seriously. Enjoy the atmosphere of celebration that surrounds you!
Sing really loud – or better yet – scream for fun while alone in the car.

Enjoy the “busyness” and all the things you get to do this month. Notice how much more you are accomplishing in your business. Focus on love and take your time to feel the joy of “presence” with those you care about this holiday season. Who knows? It may stick with you until next holiday season!

May you experience the JOY of stress this year!

Happy Holidays!

You Are Not a Robot! How to Overcome Techno Stress

My best friend these days seems to be my computer. She can play music, help me communicate with other people via email, help me scan the globe with an insurmountable amount of information via the www and to top it off she remembers everything I tell her. Her memory is amazing. In a second’s time she can retrieve any info that she has stored, even from years ago. My other great friend is my fax machine. I can input tons of into and sure enough, just as programmed she spits otu the documents perfectly in the right order. My copier is a true blue buddy. Making a perfect copy of what is on the original doc. How in the heck does she remember everything and copy it accuractely. In addiction, my colleague “Three Way Call” is a very necessary part of my life. She so expertly connects two human voices from anywhere in the whole entire world. How does she do that? And call waiting; puts the circuits on hold while I am on another call and keeps the connection live for my timely return. How does that happen?

I lie in my bed and thank my best friends for being so great…..but I lay awake all nigth wondering how I can keep them busy since they are all so willing to work 24 hours a day. I have a stomach ache and my head hurts. I get up to drink some warm milk and my mind races.

The next day at the psychiatrists office he prompty prescribes valium and/or anxiety meds. He treats me for depression and heavily medicates me because I can hardly keep my mind in order these days. Nothing seems to help.

Then one day, while chatting with my Life Coach that was assisting me in making sense of my miserable life, he profoundly said, “You seem to be best friends with robots that have no internal intrinsic purpose, passion, or feelings. They never feel bad and never have joy. And by the way, you are not a robot!”

My “awe” caught my breath. “No I am NOT a robot!” Yet I have surrounded myself with these aliens all the while thinking we were equals and that they were assisting me in my journey towards success and happiness. My Life Coach helped me realize that my mind was limited by the human brain and body and could process only about 5 bits of information on a conscious level at the same time…..hum that is less than my beautiful computer–she can process billions of information at the same time. Hey that is not fair; no life does not seem fair when we compare apples to horses.

Information overload….is an epidemic that man himself created. We crafted robots to run high speed information across the globe but we forget to acknowledge our human frailties that not keep up with the robots. We need to remember that we need breaks in the mid day for our bodies and minds. We need 8 hours of uninterrupted sleep each and every night. We need to constantly organize our minds with day timers and planners and say “No” more often. We need to change our sensory input to right and left stimulus and look up at the sky and count our blessings and acknkowledge God. We must remember that we are children of a greater being and that we are spiritual beings having a human experience. Life is to enjoy and it is possible when we let the robots do their tasks and recognize our limitations savoring our human abilites and uniqueness.

The Mystery of Hypnosis – Fact or Fiction?

The old black and white movies show the hypnotist with his swinging crystal on a chain, the pendulum waving back and forth until he has control of his subject’s mind. The awaited command is finally given: “Kill him.” The zombie opens his glazed eyes and in his altered state, rises to complete his assigned mission. His robotical motions propel him towards the task that will not be defeated until he has dispersed blood and left the lifeless body in the river.

The mystery of hypnosis is as old as the ages. What is it? How does it occur? And is it indeed factual?

A trance is a common and natural state; everyone experiences different levels of trance many times each day whether it is driving to work or using the computer.

Hypnosis is a deeper, guided state of trance that includes a state of relaxation with the conscious mind clear and the unconscious mind open and receptive to change at a deep level. It is a state of mind that goes into “The Nothing.” The mind is just open and nowhere. When in a trance the body feels light or as if the body is absent. Another form of trance is a state of heightened receptivity with intense internal focus and concentration where the rest of the world is shut off.

You may say, “I can’t be hypnotized.” That idea is false! The correct statement is, “I won’t allow someone to guide me into a state of hypnosis.” It is important to note that with permission – and permission only – can a hypnotist guide a client to this state and offer suggestions that will seep quickly into the unconscious.

Just as one cannot “make” another go into a state of sleep, no one can “make” another go into a state of trance. You would not say, “I can’t go to sleep.” You would say, “I can’t be made to go to sleep.” If one has permission to guide the other into a state of sleep, then they may gently say calming phrases, rub their arm or use other methods to induce sleep. Only with permission in the same way can someone guide another into a trance.

Humans have the most advanced brain of the entire animal world. Human minds have something called the critical factor. The critical factor is one’s reasoning between the conscious and the unconscious mind. The critical factor is always in place to keep you safe and in line with your moral boundaries. No hypnotist can make another person do anything that they are not actually willing to do because the critical factor that is aware of behaviors even at an unconscious level.

Therapeutic hypnotherapists use permission and value-based inductions. They say words you want to hear and agree with such as, “While you relax… for a very good purpose you have come here today… as you notice what is important in your life, you allow yourself to relax ten times more,” etc.

Stage hypnosis is different from therapeutic hypnosis. Stage hypnotherapists use an authoritarian method; they give commands rather than suggestions. Some people are more predisposed to authoritarian-based hypnosis while others are more suggestible to permission-based hypnosis. The stage hypnotist has a four part screening process that sifts out participants to get the outgoing, outrageous personalities on stage sort out those who would not contribute to the fun of the show:

The hypnotist invites only those who want to come on stage. People who are not “show offs” do not come on stage.
They give a command such as “Hold the rope tighter and tighter” and notices who is suggestible to the authoritarian commands. All those that are not get kicked off stage.
They notice who has a fun, entertaining personality. If they do not, they are asked to leave.
The hypnotist notices who is attentive, who can just let go of caring, go into a trance and be obedient. If they are not, they are kicked off.

The remaining participants on stage are the ones that allow the show to go on. If someone does not contribute to the show, the hypnotist systematically has them leave the stage. Yes, the participants on stage are actually in a deep state of hypnosis. Yes, they are hypnotized and yes, it is real. The audience is simply not aware of his masterful screening process, so it appears that he has just grabbed a group of random people and is able to control their minds. In actuality, there is no control going on, only a permission-based trance with the appropriate levels of suggestibility.

Keep in mind that mind control, or brainwashing, and hypnosis are completely different. Webster’s dictionary defines brainwashing as “a forcible indoctrination to induce someone to give up basic political, social, or religious beliefs and attitudes and to accept contrasting regimented ideas” and may happen over time as someone is lead to believe something on both the conscious and unconscious levels. For example, let’s say you were taught that on each Thursday, in order to please God you were to jump up and down before the fireplace five times and shout “Praise the Lord.” You may begin to believe this as you watch your whole family join in this ritual over the years. This is not mind control; it may be called environmentally formed beliefs or family beliefs. Hypnosis would not be necessary to accomplish this belief formation.

Meditation is a form of self-hypnosis where one is self-guided into a relaxed and heightened state of concentration. They may have a predetermined mantra or affirmation that they say or think to themselves while meditating. In the state of trance, suggestions implant deeper in the inner workings of the mind. This is a wonderful process for self-development and inner power.

Hypnosis is powerful and effective. When hypnosis is combined with other action-oriented methods, possibilities of success are endless. Call your hypnotherapist and schedule your impactful session today.

Darlene Braden is a Clinical Hypnotherapist and Best Selling Author of, What Stops You, Overcome Self-Sabotage, Personal and Professional. Do you want to achieve your dreams, goals and visions? Darlene’s FREE eBook – Create the Life You Want – shows you how.

Eden’s Rainbow

Eden Rona
Mrs. Wolverton
English 1010
September 24
My very own Rainbow

When I read the message on my phone I froze, rereading the words in my head. I couldn’t understand. My legs gave out and my heart rose to my throat. Every beat made my body flinch. Not him, please not him. Questions raced through my mind. I tried to talk but I couldn’t find the words to say. I mumbled and stuttered but it was impossible for anyone to understand. After minutes of torturing thoughts, I forced myself to spit out the words I didn’t want to believe. “My Dad…he’s hurt.”

Ryan was the first to know. After two years of being together we were pretty much inseparable. I was watching him as his team dominated in his dodge ball game. That is when I got the text. He picked me up right in the middle of the game and headed for the emergency exit. He raced to his car as if his life depended on it; not slowing down or even breaking a sweat. He buckled me in and then sped away heading toward the hospital. I can remember his face; Worry is his eyes, concern in his smile. I could tell he didn’t know what to do in this situation. He kept trying to tell me everything was going to be okay, but he couldn’t quite finish his sentence. That was Ryan though, always trying to please others, even when it was impossible.

My mom was waiting outside the emergency room. There was terror soaked into her face. It was bad and she couldn’t hide it from me; the answer was right there in her expression. I jumped out of the car and shot into her arms. She hugged me tighter than ever before. Then she grabbed my hand and we began to walk inside. She explained what happened. I could see it all in my head as she spoke. My tough, unbreakable dad on his way home from choir practice, his bright green, brand new motorcycle glistening in the moonlight. How it really happened is still a mystery, but he laid there helpless in the gutter. I could imagine him trying so hard to get up, he was never a quitter. My heart sunk as my mom continued with the details while were led to see him before he went into surgery. I turned the corner and there he was lying on a hospital bed. A yellow neck brace hugged his throat and tubes were helping him to breath. His flawless face was cut up and broosed. I had never seen my dad so weak, he was the strongest person I had ever met; the one who taught me how to ride my first bike, the one who taught my how to beat up a boy and he was the one that told me to always follow my dreams no matter what stood in the way. How could he be like this now? I ran to his side and clung on to his hand. Tears streamed down my face as I begged him not to leave me. The nurses made me let go and rolled him away.

My family was led up to level five. We piled into the waiting room. The lights were dim and tissue boxes were on every table. Chairs lined the walls and we filled them up then waited. My eyes were glued to the clock and hours slowly went by, one am, two am, three am, four am. Then finally the doctor stepped into the room. His white scrubs seemed to glow as he entered and a haunting feeling followed him.

His words I will never forget. “I am sorry. We did all that we could but it is time to prepare for the worst and gather the family.” I stopped breathing and my body began to shake. I grabbed my brother’s shirt as I began to sob. I didn’t sleep the few hours of the night that were left. All I could do was pray for a miracle and I didn’t stop until we were allowed to go back and see my dad.

When I saw him again I couldn’t help but gasp. My dad had always been handsome. He was still mistaken to be in his thirties when he was well into his fifties and he never let us forget that. He was a strong man, with abs of steal and arms great enough to hold all five children. He had dark curly hair that grew upward instead of down and clear blues eyes that unmistakably showed his love for others. The man I saw in front of me was completely changed. His hair was gone, his eyes were swollen with black and blue circles around them, and he lay there limp and powerless. That first day was the hardest.

The hospital turned into our new home. We were there every day and clung to our dad’s side; talking to him and holding his hand. Every second we searched for a response. Pictures covered my dad’s room and classical music was always playing in the background. He was a concert pianist and we all believed that the beautiful melodies would bring him back to us. I learned to stare at his feet. They would move every once in a while and they were the one thing that hadn’t changed. His little feet and stubby toes became my favorite things to look at.

After a week and a half of no improvement the doctors told us we had important decisions to make. We were told that there was a 95% chance conditions would remain exactly as they were and the other 5% was that he would be handicapped for the rest of his life. He wouldn’t be able to talk, walk, or even move the left side of his body. I hated thinking about my tan athletic dad stuck in a wheel chair and mentally disabled. He would hate that. He was out in his garden every day; whether it was weeding, planting knew plants, or even picking his fruits and vegetables to give to the neighbors. He wouldn’t be able to do that anymore. Even worse, he wouldn’t be able to play the piano; that was his life. It was his way of touching other people’s lives. After all of the information I still couldn’t let go. I needed to be able to talk to him everyday, for advice, for comfort; he was my best friend.

More days went by and my heart was torn in two. Being the youngest child, my other siblings tried to comfort me and help me be at peace, but I couldn’t move on without knowing that my dad still loved me. I remember my dad telling me that the day grandma died, she sent a rainbow clear across the valley to say, “I love you.” It was a very special memory and symbol for my family. I would ask him every day, “Dad please send me a rainbow. Ill be looking.” I looked every day but I never saw one.

The twelfth day was it. The terrible decision we were fighting to make was final…Slowly methodically and sealed with prayer, all the tubes were removed and every brace was taken off. He laid there breathing slowly all by himself. I watched as his chest went up and down. I knew I only had a few seconds left to spend with my dad.

Every single one of my siblings stood in a circle, hand in hand, including my dad. It had been a long time since we had all been together. We watched as our dad, our lifetime hero, took his last breath. His chest slowly stopped moving and tears filled the room. I felt so empty, as if my heart had been ripped out. That’s when I saw it; sunlight through the window reflected a rainbow spreading across the wall behind my dad. All my horrible thoughts and fears disappeared. He sent it to me to let me know he was still there and would always remain by my side. I will always remember the moment my dad made me my very own rainbow.

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Who Would You BE If You Were Thin And Trim?

Who am I? This age old question is a pending thought for all of us. When one considers losing weight, there are many self–sabotaging reasons that stop us from having the body we want. One of the main reasons that people don’t have the body they want is because of identity; they simply don’t know who they would be in the new body.

Imagine this. You go to the doctor and he asks you to open your mouth. He puts a few drops of fluid under your tongue and within 1 minute you morph into a different ethnic group. For example, if you were Caucasian you would turn Afro American; if you were Asian, you become Caucasian. What would that be like? You leave the doctor’s office and you have a different mind set, culture and would be viewed differently. Who would you be? What would you do to try to fit into society in this new body?

If you lose 50 lbs of fat or more, your body will dramatically change and in the same way as the example above, you would need to learn to accept the new body and way of being. This helps us understand that identity development is necessary in the process of weight loss.

One way to find out who you are, deep down, is to consider who you were at age 5. What did you do? What was your personality like? As you look at yourself at age 5, notice that “being” and “doing” were very separate at that time. Ponder that thought for a moment.

As we become adults, we lose that separateness of “being” and “doing.” Take a moment now to realize that who you are is NOT what you do. When you can separate these in your mind, create a list of who you are, independent of doing; examples include: love, compassion, kindness, helpfulness, loyalty and more. Focus on these internal qualities; no matter what you look like, you are a beautiful person.

When you focus on your internally beautiful qualities you are then free to look thin and fit.

Why are you Fat?

Overcome Self-Sabotage

Why are you fat? What stops you from having the body you want? Do you love to eat? Do you feel lazy sometimes? Are you frustrated with your body and have tried every diet known? You are not alone. According to the National Health and Nutrition Examination Surveys, nearly two thirds of Americans over the age of 20 are overweight or obese. Our children are the first generation that will be more obese than their parents. Food is everywhere: restaurants on every street, grocery stores filled to the gills with calories, and any treat you want is no more than five minutes away. In addition, television, movies and computer obsessions engulf our days and living a sedentary, indulged life is the new American way.

On the flip side, there are health clubs scattered no more than 10 minutes away, personal trainers are a dime a dozen and articles are available on health and fitness in every publication. With the added availability of food and health resources, you can still look in the mirror and see a sight that is not what you had planned for in life. Why?

Addressing this issue of body image and weight does not simply come down to desire or self control. The reason you don’t have the body you want is because of many reasons, one of which is the unconscious processes that are going on in the deeper levels of your mind.

To simplify what stops you from having the body you want, look at the following three specific areas:

Actions that you take or don’t take
Skills of knowing what and how to achieve a task
Mental Processes that run deep in the unconscious realms of your mind. Your unconscious mind is what rules your thoughts and behaviors.

When you put the three areas together it is really fast and powerfully easy to make progress towards a thinner fit body. They all blend – putting Skill into Action with the right Mental Processes creates change.

To begin, get out of denial! See your body the way it really is. Look in the mirror at your naked self for at least 10 minutes today. Look in a rear view mirror and on each side. Look, stare, gawk and then decide to take immediate action to change.

Actions include: eat less, exercise more, and build muscle; buy the right walking shoes, get a club membership and do actions that set you in motion.

Skills include: learn all you can about the subject, study, interview thin people, practice skills of coordination and balance.

Now most importantly, you need to work on your Mental Processes. Believing that it is possible, believing and imagining what you will look like with the body you want, believing you are worth it; feeling worthy of being beautiful, feeling the possibilities of weighing the correct weight for your height, believing you can achieve results. To have the body you want, read self-help books on self-esteem, belief changing and identity development. Learn to love yourself, grow your self-esteem and know it is possible to learn actions skills and understand thinking processes for success. Build your spirituality and make sure you connect your spirituality with your body; meaning honor your God given body with thanks for the vehicle you have been provided to help you live your purpose in this life.

When you can clearly see in your mind’s eye your future self, thin and healthy, only then will you begin to make permanent and natural changes. Since the future has not happened yet, make it up, see yourself the way you want to be. See it, Feel it, Believe it and Have it!

Tragedy on the 4th of July and What I Learned

As tragedy strikes in our lives, helplessness sets in and is one of the most difficult emotions to sort through and understand. This is a personal story of my loss and despair this 4th of July. Because of my understanding of the unconscious mind I was able to come up with surprising thoughts and learning’s. Rarely used thinking strategies can help all of us to overcome self-sabotage in a powerful way.

Helplessness is one of the most difficult emotions to sort through and understand. Fear and anger seem to have a more tangible conclusion and remedy, but helplessness goes deep into the meaning of life and attempts to destruct the soul, manifesting as self-sabotage.

I lived through a helpless tragedy last night, the eve of the 4th of July 2007. At about 11:30 PM the phone rang and I immediately wondered who would be calling so late. My caller ID said it was from Kathy, my good friend and neighbor, and I anxiously answered the phone. Kathy said, “Have you looked outside?” I said that I was in my office checking email and filing some client files. She said,”The whole neighborhood is in your yard because the entire mountain is on fire.” My husband and I ran outside to see a blaze that was as big as a crater about 30 acres wide, overtaking the slope.

As mentioned in my “What Stops You?” book, I live at about 5000 elevated feet across the frontage road from jetting mountains that ascend to about 7000 feet on the front peak and 8000 on the back peak. My favorite place in the world is on my swing on my back patio that sets my gaze directly upon the jagged rocks of the mountain’s face. The trees in my yard frame the portrait perfectly for a magnificent breath taking experience. It is often my place of refuge and inspiration to write my books.

My mountain on fire? My mountain being destroyed? My view being tormented to ashes and coal? As we watched the scenario unfold from our side yard, the hubbub and mayhem escalated; fire engines, sirens, cops, flashlights, and on- looker’s panic. I realized that all my neighbors considered that mountain theirs as well. “We live here and pay the mortgage for that view!” they said. My heart sank. My piece of pleasure, my treat at the end of the day, my serene scene being engulfed as I stood there; nothing I could do.

There was talk of evacuation for the near-by houses. What would I take? My kids were out and about, not at home so they were OK. My favorite dog died a few months ago and he was not there… I would take my pictures and my computer. Should I run in and gather or should I act as relaxed and entertained as the teenagers standing around saying, “Cool.”

Inside my heart, sadness took over. 55 firefighters started the war against the heat and rage. Because it was so late, the helicopters with water were going to come in the morning. The morning? What? The whole mountain will be gone by then. Looking up, we saw brave firemen climbing and scaling the hill with shovels, flashlights and courage. They were excellently trained to dig a trench along the bottom edge to create a fire wall. Finally our homes were out of danger, but the torch continued up and over the peak only to ravish the other side into the gully.

It is now 7:30 PM on July 4th. Almost 25 hours later, I still hear helicopters carrying water from a man-made pool that the fighters created, that held water for their huge baskets to carry over the hill. The smoke is dissipating and the frenzy is completing; only a smoldering site remains. It will take 2 years to start to mend and 5 years to display a green view again.

As my husband and I walked back inside, I started to wilt. “Why do the things I love most, the simple things that bring me pleasure get taken away? Since my dog was killed, who was also a great treat to me at the end of the day, my mind has not been as nimble and I begin to fall into thinking patterns that are limiting. My husband said, “Honey, what stories are you writing in your mind?” Alas, again a family member slaps me back into reality; back to no nonsense and back to remembering that I wrote a book about thinking strategies. I well know and teach that depression comes from focusing on things we don’t have instead of what we do have. I know that what we focus on we give power to. I know that we are limited by looking at something in only one way and stepping back causes a greater perspective of wisdom. I know that it is not what happens to us that causes our problems; its how we think about what happens, that causes our problems.

Now I sit alone on my swing, with out my little dog Beau by my side, looking at a charred scene. All of a sudden I magically begin to see the whole landscape behind the first hill; the second mountain rising. Hum, I had always focused on the front ridge. I begin to see things I hadn’t noticed before. I then realize that God is with me even though my dog isn’t. My family supports me and you are all my friends. I am indeed not alone. It is not just positive thinking that pulls me out of my despair; it is looking at the same problem from a different angle. Thanks to my maneuverable brain, I can find joy in any situation. I find myself in the present moment with my health, a good BBQ’d steak in my belly and passion for tomorrow’s adventures. I have decided to choose the life I want and live the life I choose. On occasion it is OK to cry, yet as future sunsets glare on my mountain for years to come, it will remind me that I have choice to see beyond the dark colors and past what seems to be obvious. Opportunity awaits all of us, by overcoming self-sabotage deep inside our minds.

Power to you in your tragedies and sorrow, power to you in finding that “choice of thoughts and actions” are the most powerful gifts we have been given in this life.

Cheers,
Darlene

My Saddest Day

To my dear friends, family, clients and readers:

I have some of the saddest news I can think of… next to my husband or kids-family being hurt. (I am grateful that they are safe and healthy.)

For those of you that come to my office in Salt Lake, you know my dear little ball of fluff, my 5 year old Maltese, Beaumont. He was killed on Tuesday, Jan 2, 07, one of the most terrible days I have ever lived. Beau was part of my office décor and greeted every guest with a desire to sit on their lap and comfort them. I always said, “Beau, go to your bed…” and he immediately obeyed scooting under my desk. He had a tiny little bed I bought from the Build A Bear store.

The reason I am sharing this news with you is in a desperate attempt to reach out for information, resources or knowledge of the life after this one. I have my spiritual beliefs that are deeply imbedded in my heart yet for some reason I am not comforted. My mind tells me he is in a great place but my body and heart worry that he is scared because his only comfort was when he was with me, safe in my arms or at my side. The scriptures say little about the next life and I haven’t found much information about animals. I have Betty Edie’s book and a few others to try to find solace.

If you have any thing to share with me I would appreciate it. I can hardly breath…I’m in a fog…There are many of you, if not each of you that have experience similar loss and I would like to compile a booklet of your experiences and learning’s for others to use in time of need; death, divorce, etc there is so much pain to experience in life, yet… I testify of the great joy that is possible too. I just can’t remember that right now.

There are great NLP techniques to help clients work through loss and I have helped many people through this process. I just can’t seem to help my self. I need a therapist…Nadine; I will be calling you…

I called my friend who’s husband died three weeks ago. I can’t imagine that. I know many of you have experienced this; losing a spouse. I said, “Trish, how do you do it?” She said, “You just pretend.” My heart is with you Trish.

Beau was at my side 100% of the time when I was at my house and office. He was ALWAYS with me and I spend most of my life at my home and office. With him gone it is not right. I know I am not taking my own advice right now and had to apologize to my little girl. It would be good if I could be a better example for her but, ya know, I just can’t do it right now.

I held his dead darling body for 8 hours after he died, combing his hair and cherishing every minute. I cried for two days straight. Yes, he is just a dog and I keep reminding myself how thankful that I am that it wasn’t one of my kids or husband or direct family member. We need to cherish every minute with those we love.

The very hideous part of all this, is how he died…I can barely tell you…aou…well, you know my office and waiting room have quite a few doors all over the place. As Beau follows me every where, even to go in the house for lunch, potty etc; I always make room for him to come through the door with me. Lacey, the cocker is many times in the pack following me around…my husband bought a new car. He came in my office and said, “Come see the car.” I was excited and followed him out. We were looking at the car for a while when I looked up I saw that we had left the waiting room door wide open…I hate a cold office…I abruptly walked over to the darn door to slam it shut so we wouldn’t waste money on the heat bill and to keep the office warm. I didn’t know Beau was running next to me. He thought we were going through the door and I was just going up to it to slam it and return to the car outside…He was scooting by me and I slammed it on Beau. Oh my hell… can you believe it? Right on his head… he immediately went into a half-coma…we rushed him to the vet…his heart beat up until we got to the vet and then it stopped. The vet grabbed him ran to the back room and immediately started beating on his little chest, real hard as though he was hitting a horse. The vet shoved tubes down his throat and started blowing, doing CPR. He got a syringe and jabbed his heart full of adrenalin, He worked on him for 20 minutes as my husband held me…so, I freekin killed my own dog. I was his safe haven an in the end, isn’t it ironic…I didn’t protect him. Wow, I am really showing my human-weak, messed up- side…sorry…That night I got on my tread mill and sprinted mile after mile just sobbing. Exercise always makes me feel better.

I would love your help as to what is next…

I am grateful that I was actually the one who shut the door on him, rather than my husband or daughter. Then I would have to comfort them and help them not feel guilty. (#**^##^!!!!!)

I saw clients to day, for the first time and I think no one knew the wiser. It helps me to assist you in your need and gives me a break from my sadness…I am sooo thankful for each of you and what you have taught me. Collectively my group of clients, friends and readers could cure all the world problems. If you have any books to read, appropriate scriptures about death, or could send your love my way I will pass it on to all those that I know, that have pain… the world can become a better place.

Thanks so much for listening, it helps to express.

BEAU, I LOVE YOU… I LOVE YOU BEAU.

Very sincerely,

Darlene
January 5th 2007

It is the next day now. Last night was most interesting…Yesterday I was in my office all day. I am finally being desensitized being in there, seeing his little bed and water bowl. I can be in there and not freak out now…I can’t go in the waiting room for too long yet and going in the house is torture. I haven’t desensitized my self to the house yet. All day I was distracted. When the evening came….oh no….my mind started to play games and flash all sorts of pictures of him….all the sudden the pic of the traumatic moment started re playing over and over; maybe because I had just written all about it. It played over and over a thousand times and started to freak me out. Finally my husband came home and I said, “Distract me, quick…say something, anything….about work, what you did to day… help.” He started to distract me while we took a drive to the bank to make a night deposit. When we got home I knew I had to face the bedroom where we have a nice couch and TV set up. Beau ALWAYS sits next to me on this couch…ah…I walked in the room and my body started to jerk. I found that the jerking helped release the body memory of him next to me so I started purposely jerking and shaking my arms and moving my body abruptly…I couldn’t believe it, it worked. I was able to sit on the couch with out the feeling that I needed him next to me.

When I started to replay the trauma pic I did eye rainbows back and forth 50 times and patted my knee and hummed a non sensible song. It really worked. (Called Brain Gym)

It’s not that I am trying to hurry and heal, it is that the pain is seriously unbearable so I just need to get out of it. The pain is almost a fear of suffocating where my eyes get big and wide and I need to do something….

That’s my learning for now.

Dogs Can’t Do Math

People make meanings to situations quickly and easily. For example, if your boss walks by you and doesn’t say “Hi,” you may think, “Oh, they don’t like me.” If a coworker is late to a lunch date, you may make it mean that they: a) don’t care about you, b) are inconsiderate or c) you are not important to them.

In addition, people use meaning equations, similar to math equations, to attach a situation or feeling to a meaning. For example: I am fat = I’m not acceptable = I’m useless = I don’t exist. In another example: I am afraid of making sales calls = I won’t make money = I am a failure = I am incapable = I’m worthless = I don’t deserve to survive = I don’t exist. Most limiting beliefs eventually equate with death or non-existence. No wonder the limiting belief of being unlovable is so drastically painful. It is not your life that causes prob lems; it is the meanings you create in your life that causes problems.

People make meaning equations constantly and continually from every conversation they have, everyone they meet, things that happen around them and things that don’t happen. People form their own perceptions and perspective all day long as though their way of thinking is a tangible reality.

Modeling others that are successful is a great way to learn. Have you ever thought of mod eling your dog? If you have a dog you will realize that they simply do not place meanings to objects or events. They don’t know the meaning of the word “why.” They never ask, “Why did you set me down? Why did you put me in the laundry room? Why can’t I go with you?” They just accept what “is” even though they may think, “I want to stay on your lap. I don’t want to go in the bathroom. I want to go with you.” But they don’t ask “why.”

Here is an example of a day with my dogs. We have two dogs, a Cocker Spaniel and a Maltese. When we go on vacation we take the dogs, of course. Beau is the Maltese, and he is really just like a 4-pound mouse with long, white hair. He is a wimp and I like to take him in my little doggy purse wher ever we go. Lacey is a bigger dog, very stalwart and hardy at about 25 pounds. Sometimes when we go, we take Beau and leave Lacey in the hotel or washroom in the condominiums. I started to feel bad about Lacey’s abandoned feelings. I imag ined that she felt sad because Beau got to go with us and she had to stay behind. Then it occurred to me that Lacey ac tually didn’t understand the same way a human would. As I contemplated the situation more, I realized that maybe Lacey was actually pretty smart because she didn’t attach the meaning of feeling bad that Beau got to go and she didn’t. The actual meaning she makes is: “I am alone in the washroom.” Period!

Here is another example. Beau can’t eat table food be cause he will just throw it up. So when we give table food to Lacey and not Beau, what meaning does Beau make? The meaning is simple: “I want food and I’m not getting any.” Contrary to human be liefs, he is not making it mean that we like Lacey better.

We humanize our dogs and imagine that they think as humans do. They don’t. They are only classically conditioned to paired stimuli. They connect two things together like the command “sit” with “get a treat” or “come here and get petted.” They pair the two activities without attaching any meaning. When they poop, they get put outside. Soon they are trained to choose their behaviors with the attached outcome. But they never reason “why.” This is why dogs always forgive so easily and love unconditionally. They are 100 per cent in the present moment. They don’t create any meanings to situations and never ask why. Wow. The lesson here is to act like your dog. Dogs don’t want to know about every other dog you’ve had. Dogs are more excited to see you the longer you are gone and dogs never expect gifts.

How can you learn to be more like your dog instead of going through long equations? What if you just started accepting what “is” and saying “oh” more often? Chances are that the equations you make now are just unnecessary mind chatter. Be more like your dog and man’s best friend

The Fables You Write About Life And Business

For each experience in your life, both positive and negative, you create a meaning to the situation. That meaning is what we call a belief. A belief is something that you may perceive to be true but cannot be scientifically proven as true. Beliefs occur when we look at something from a one-sided, limited perspective. For example, if you look at a piece of paper straight on, it appears to be a white rectangle. Now you are quite certain that it is a white rectangle. You would stake your life on it and never change your mind. What if I look at the paper from the side and sees a long, white, thin line? I am looking at the same item and I am sure I’m seeing a line and not a rectangle. The two of us could debate forever about our differing viewpoints. Only when we are willing to look at the paper from a different angle or point of view do we see a new perspective. Both of us are right about our own out looks from our own specific perspectives. A belief is looking at something in only ONE WAY.

Beliefs that you have are really stories or fables you have written in your mind. They are not really true, they just seem true to you. You have written your story very convincingly and may perceive it to be true, but it is only true to you. If you want to be more in control of your thinking and internal limitations, the most important thing you can do is notice when you have a limiting belief. What limiting beliefs do you have?

Examples of Personal Limiting Beliefs:

Math is hard for me.
I will never be thin.
I’ve never been good at details.
I’m not a good ball player.
I can’t do it.
I’m not good enough.
I am worthless.
I’m not lovable.
I am not a patient person.
I can’t remember things very well.
I am incapable of so many things.

Examples of Professional Liming Beliefs

I can’t make money.
I don’t know how to sell.
I’ll never be good at business.
I’m not lucky.
I can’t manage my team.
I am not able to make money.
I don’t deserve money.
I don’t know what to do next.
I don’t have talent.
I am not good at balancing my bank statements.

Make a list of your limiting beliefs. Look at your limiting beliefs and say: “I have written a fable that…” For example: “I have written a fable that I am unlovable.” Go down your entire list. Before each limiting belief say, “I have written a fable that…”

What happens if you put a question mark at the end of the liming beliefs statement? “I am unlovable?” “I don’t deserve success?” What answer do you give yourself to those questions?

Look at the belief from someone else’s perspective; someone that you respect. How would they feel? Put your belief on them and imagine how they would act. How do they handle the situation? How do they act differently? How would they think and feel about the same issue? If they feel differently about the same statement, then there must be more ways to look at it than from the stuck perspective you had.

Do these exercises shift your stories? Does your stuck belief begin to move a bit? Do you start to write a different ending to your fable? Notice small or large shifts in your thinking.

Look at your business in a new way. Thinking and believing differently can increase your revenue and decrease your costs. What possibilities does your business have that you hadn’t already acknowledged? How can you look at business in a way you hadn’t thought of before? Write new stories about your business and watch your profits soar.

The Incredible Button

Have you ever jumped to conclusions? Your boss asks you to do something and you immediately make it mean that they don’t respect you? Your coworker walks by with out saying “Hi” and, ever so quickly, you make it mean that they don’t like you or that you are not important. Wouldn’t it be interesting if you were able to pause a bit and not make it mean anything until you gave it some time? What if you didn’t grab a conclusion so quickly? Wouldn’t it be great to not let the good or bad opinions of others affect you in either a positive or negative way and be free of others thoughts?

I have something magical for you! It is a wireless, invisible remote control with incredible powers. Let me explain how it will assist you in keeping control over your thoughts and emotions.

Imagine now that you see a cool looking remote control sitting next to you on the chair. Go ahead and imagine you are picking it up. There are a lot of re ally cool buttons on this remote. The only one you need right now is the button. When any scenario occurs in your life where you begin to make a limiting belief or meaning, push the button and don’t ask “why.”

For example, you have a lunch appointment with a buyer and they are late. After about fifteen minutes of waiting you may begin to make a story as to why they are late. You may think that he:

Doesn’t want your product.
Doesn’t really like you.
Doesn’t respect your time.
Forgot the appointment because he is dumb.
Got in an accident and is dead.
Is late because he can’t ﬁnd the restaurant.
Planned for a different day and miscommunicated.

Which meaning should you use? How about none of them? Push your button and go into neutral mode. Make no meaning yet. Wait. Clear your mind. Be open for possibilities. When your associate finally shows up for lunch, then you can ask him what happened and know the real meaning of why he was late. You will realize that you didn’t need to waste your precious time writing false stories.

It is difficult for a person to make no meaning out of a situation such as this. It is very common to quickly attach a meaning to an event. I invite you to use your button often. When you do, go into the “Nothing.” The Nothing is a state of mind where there are no thoughts or beliefs. If your friend is late to lunch, stop right there in the Nothing and wait until you know why instead of moving into a negative meaning.

My clients report that they use their buttons often! The remote comes in so handy because its use is so quick and effective. When you begin to use your button often, you will start to realize that beliefs or meanings are very sub jective and not real.

When will you use your new button this week? When you have learned how to use it, I recommend that you share it with your friends and coworkers; they will surely appreciate the gift.

Do What Successful People Do

Are there tasks in your daily work that you love to do, like to do or simply dread doing? Many jobs include tasks you enjoy and some that you may not like or put off until later. Unfortunately, there are many times when “later” never arrives. Don’t worry; you are not alone.

The sad truth is that most people are not successful in business. One of the main reasons is that they stay far away from the “dreaded tasks.” These tasks don’t go away; they just pile up higher and higher!!

All people have talents in specific areas and tasks they prefer to do over the dreaded tasks. The problem is that a business needs all aspects of expertise and no one job is really more important than another. Is having the office organized as important as making a sale? Ultimately it is, as it “all comes out in the wash.” Each task supports the sale and the functionality of the business; each is profoundly important.

So how can we learn to do the tasks we keep putting off? An NLP principle is to model successful people. For example: if someone has or does something that you want to have or do, look at them and copy their attitude, behaviors, actions and thoughts.

Do successful people have dreaded tasks or are they so lucky that they enjoy every single aspect of their business? Of course they have dreaded tasks. Successful people simply do things they don’t want to because the task is important.

This week, take a look around and notice people you feel are successful. Ask them what tasks they do in their jobs that they don’t like. Most likely they will tell you their least favorite task and then tell you that they do it anyway because they know it needs to be done.

So, the jobs you don’t want to do, that are truly important… Just do them. Believe in the importance of the task and just do it. Break the task into achievable sizes and start at the beginning. Delegate it if you have to and spend your time being productive. Get the unlikable tasks done today.

Doing all tasks consistently will increase your revenue dramatically and lower your costs because you are efficient and consistent.

Are Your Beliefs Moving you to Action?

Is a belief real or not? Think about it. The definition of real is something that can be documented by science and is tangible and testable.

If I believe that the world is scary, am I right? I am to myself, but not to science. My neighbor may believe that the world is fun and full of opportunity. Is she right? To herself, yes, but it can’t be proven by science. With this information, we can conclude that beliefs are not real ! So if beliefs are not even real, then we must be able to change them . Let me explain.

Because our perceptions are not real, we are all walk ing around with our own reality in our own little private worlds with all our meanings and stories about ourselves, others, and beliefs about the world.

Even memories of our past are not real. If a football was in the middle of the room and someone moved it, it would no longer be here, would it? We may have a memory of the football, but it is not real at all now.

So if this is the case, why do past events still seem so real right now? Why do you feel rejected, sad or traumatized just by remembering an event? If it is not real, is in the past and is not present now, why does one feel the emotion years, decades, and possibly a half century later?

The answer is quite simple. Our experiences cause us to attach meanings and beliefs to the stimulus (a memory, thought, smell, sound or even a place). These feelings are coded in our physical bodies. When we come across a specific memory or other stimuli, those meanings, beliefs and feelings resurface.

Are any of these limiting beliefs familiar?

I am not capable in business.
I don’t deserve money.
Money is hard to get.
I am not good enough.
I am not talented.
Others abandon me.
Other people are lucky in business.
The world is out to get me.

Take a moment now to realize that these statements are beliefs . Although beliefs may feel, sound and look real, they are not real !

How much more successful will you be when you believe:

There is a lot of money out there.
I am capable of some things.
I am good enough for the things I am good at.
I am talented at some things.
Others support me.
I am lucky in business.
The world supports all my dreams.

Look at your limiting beliefs from the perspective of a successful person that you honor and respect. What would they say about your limiting beliefs? How would they look at them differently? How can you begin to look at your limiting beliefs differently?

With positive beliefs you can increase your revenue and decrease costs. The cost of your new belief is only the price of your time to think differently, read a positive book or listen to an audio program to assist you. Wow!

It is exciting to know that you can have control over your thoughts.

Whistle While You Work

While we were young, we all learned from Snow White to whistle while we work while the Seven Dwarves set out merrily each day singing, “Hi ho, Hi ho, It’s off to work we go.” They put their hearts into their job no matter what their task.

So many people want to live their passion through their work. They want to spend their life’s effort on what they love. If you love people, it is hard to sit in a cubicle all day. If you love nature, it is hard to be stuck inside. If you love family, it is hard to be shipped overseas to fulfill your job description. You may find yourself going to work with no spring in your step and no tune to whistle.

We don’t always get what we want in life. Life doesn’t dish out situations that we would ask for. It is rare to spend your life’s work doing your passion.

Does this mean that we ought to be sad and unfulfilled? Should we change jobs each quarter to try to finally figure out what we want to do? Is there no purpose to life since we may not have landed in the career of our choice? What choices do we have if we have found ourselves a slave to an occupation that is not rewarding? The answers lie in the workings of the mind; the beliefs and meanings we make each day. They lie in our core values.

Core values are the values that you would never live without and may even risk your life to live the value of each day. If these values were stripped from you, you would almost die. These values may include: honesty, integrity, family, relationships, charity, kindness, progress, service, persistence, living for each moment, love and passion.

Core values cause us to live with purpose and passion. They cause us to feel alive and be who we really are. It is important to hold these core values with us at every moment of each day.

What if you could easily and effortlessly shift your thinking and remember your core values? See what happens when you do this exercise: Write down your top five core values on a piece of paper. Keep them near you when you work.

What happens when you go to work today and you take your five most important values with you? Maybe you wash carpets honestly as you make relationships. You close loans with integrity . You sell houses passionately and feel the reward of the service you provide to the happy family that bought the house. You answer phones all day with persistence and feel progress for a job well done.

Keeping to your core values will give you a positive attitude. Your positive attitude will increase your job satisfaction, performance, and – ultimately – your revenue. Singing and humming are virtually free; so whistle a happy tune and put the spring back into your step.

Do You Argue With Yourself?

Do you find that periodically during the day you have debates with yourself? Are you constantly discussing matters with yourself in order to make appropriate decisions? Doesn’t it seem that if you didn’t have to spend this time arguing with yourself you could spend more quality time making money?

Let’s look at common conflicts that you may be experiencing and see which ones seem to hit home. Examples of both personal and professional internal conﬂicts include:

Part of me wants to be good and serve God, yet part of me is mad at God be cause…
Part of me wants to read this article and learn more, yet part of me feels that it won’t do any good, or I’m too busy.
Part of me wants to be a business person, and part of me wants to be a stay-at-home mom/dad.
Part of me likes my coworkers, and part of me does not.
Part of me wants to exercise, but part of me wants to rest and eat.
Part of me loves my spouse, but part of me wants to ﬁnd a new partner.
Part of me wants to get up early and get a lot done, but part of me wants to sleep in.
Part of me wants to start my own company, but part of me wants to work for someone else and leave all the administrative stuff to them.
Part of me wants to go to the networking meeting to get new clients, and part of me is afraid to present my product.

Many people walk around in conﬂict to some degree for most of their day. For example, let’s say that part of you wants to go to the movies with your kids and spend quality time with them. This part of you knows that they will grow up soon and you enjoy watching them have fun, but the other part of you wants to stay home and get your work projects done. The deadline is coming soon and if your kids were at a movie with someone else, you would have the time to concentrate and be productive. What should you do?

In any conflict you need to take these three steps:

Recognize the conflict and acknowledge it. Know what conflicts you are having and write them down.
Give attention to both sides looking at the intent underneath the desire. Ask yourself, “Where does this intent come from?”
What are you going to do about it? How can you compromise?

Once you acknowledge that both sides present a good outcome, you may realize that slick time management may solve the problem. Make the time to focus and get some work done, clear the two hours and then go enjoy the kids.

What kind of conflicts do you feel? What kinds of lectures do you give yourself? With a little practice and planning, most of the time you will find a way to fulfill both sides of your conflict, without having to give in to one side or the other.

What you focus on, you give power to

The unconscious mind has an unlimited ability to hold information; it never sleeps, and it is always absorbing information and data. Your unconscious intends to protect you in any way that it can; it kept you from falling off the bed last night, didn’t it? It was aware of the edge of the bed and kept you away from it, just far enough to be safe.

The problem is that the unconscious mind (about 97 percent of the brain) is not very smart, at least in a logical way. For this reason, you need to engage the conscious mind so that you will act appropriately. The limitation is that the conscious mind can attend to only about five things at the same time, and everything else fades to the background. Now, five bits of information is certainly a lot less than millions of bits of information, so you must constantly decide what those five conscious things ought to be.

For example: If you look for all the green objects in the room, you will find them, and if you look for all the yellow, you will see all the yellow. If you sort for all the mean people in the world, you will find them; when you look for what is working in your life, you will see it. Focus on what you want. Go for what you want and keep your focus on what you have chosen!

How about your significant other or a good friend? Is there something about them that bugs you? Now be honest. Most people would say, “Yes, indeed.” Now take something that bugs you and visually move it to the background. Next, focus on something that you like and visually make it big and compelling, full of color and life. Let it slide into the foreground. Wow. How do you feel now?

If you choose to spend your mind capacity thinking and stewing about negative things, sure enough, you will feel negative. I do not presume that we live in denial; I offer the concept that we highlight what is working rather than what is not working–in other words, what you have rather than what you don’t have. It is interesting to note that depressed individuals focus on what they do not have. If you ask depressed people how they feel or what their thoughts are, they will tell you about things that are going wrong or things they do not have.

Do you have legs? Some people do not. Do you have food? Some people do not. Do you have a job? Some people do not. No matter what your circumstance, you have something to be thankful for.

Focus on what you have, what you want, what is good, and what can be changed, and move forward in your life.

Four Hats for Success!

In any business there must be four hats worn each day. Your company could consist of just you, the owner and operator, or it could consist of over 2,000 employees. By managing these four hats, you will increase revenue through efficiency and decrease costs by eliminating waste and disorganization.

The Captain (General Manager/Owner). The Captain oversees, delegates and organizes. Captains are individuals usually known as the General Manager. They see the broader picture and make sure the smaller jobs are done: bills are paid, files are organized, the accounts receivable are up to date, etc. They do not actually do the small task jobs, they make sure the jobs are fulfilled and the company runs smoothly. It is also necessary that they step back to notice and acknowledge the company’s short and long term goals.
Deck Support (Office Assistant). Deck Support makes sure the small details are done. This hat is usually worn by employees such as the office assistant, the runner and/or the logistics person. They complete small-detail tasks such as filing, data entry, paying bills and making sure the office is clean and organized. This person will report to the Captain.
The Technician (Worker). The Technician makes and installs the windows, installs the computers or cleans the carpets. The Technician gets the product to the consumer so that money can be collected.
The Dreamer (Entrepreneur). The Dreamer can’t sleep nights because they are imagining how great things will be. Dreamers are the visionaries of the company and dream about logos, expansion, fulfillment, money, power, fun and energy.

All of these jobs are very important. When a company loses its Captain, it runs into an iceberg and drowns. With no Deck Support, things get lost and the company crashes. Without a Technician, no product is delivered; thus no revenue. If a company loses its Dreamer the company’s vision is lost and the company experiences a slow death.

If hats are worn by employees other than the General Manager, the Captain needs to hold the employee accountable to staying on task and completing the job. The General Manager also needs to hold the Captain accountable to receive appropriate information and complete necessary tasks.

A ship cannot run without a crew. Although the hats and tasks are separate and different, it is imperative to hold a weekly staff meeting to stay on the same page. Nothing hurts a company faster than the right hand not knowing what the left hand is doing; having hats sprawled all over the place and getting lost. Staff meetings can be rewarding when they are consistent and will result in your company’s progress.

The human mind can get confused easily. The unconscious can only attend to about five tasks at once so juggling four hats is a skill that needs to be developed. Do this by separating the four hats in your mind. Realize and recognize which hat you are wearing and focus on the job that you are doing. Be clear in your mind what task you are completing and consciously switch your hat when needed.

The Captain needs to assess when each hat needs to be worn and when. Sometimes the Captain’s hat will take all day and the Dreamer’s hat is saved for the weekend. It may be that the Technician hat is not worn for a few weeks until a job needs to be completed. This expertise is valuable and becomes more thorough when the Captain steps back and looks at the whole company from a broader perspective.

Each hat is fulfilling and rewarding in its own way. Take satisfaction in tasks well done, keep your hats in order and enjoy smooth sailing!