Communication skills, what does that mean? “Well I don’t like you, and you don’t like me. THERE! We are communicating perfectly aren’t we?”

There are so many definitions of communication, but the definition I like best is--communication is a flow of understanding. I get you and you get me and we get each other. Basic communication skills require understanding the definition.  I will start by sharing two specific, basic skills with you to get you going. Of course, watch for my other podcasts where I expand and give specific useful tools and skills. When we are communicating we are attempting to deliver a message. We all operate with talking, moving, listening, understanding, showing, etc. through channels or better said we all process either visually, auditorily, through touch smell-olfactory or oral–taste.

There is always a sender and the receiver. Which one has more of the burden of understanding? The speaker or the listener? I asked my college class and there are a variety of answers. Well, the right answer is BOTH. The speaker can say things rudely loudly or aggressively or too soft.  She has the burden of saying it in the way that works. The listener has the burden of not making it mean something from the past, trigger or their past experiences, and to attempt to listen in the way the speaker means it. The burden is on both. The problem is the airspace between two people is like Jell-O. I say something to you and it goes through the gooey Jell-O and gets all lost and then SPLAT into your ear. My message is ALL MESSED UP! You didn’t understand at all what I meant. Now what?

It’s all about the meanings that someone understands. It’s not what you say is the meaning that’s understood. If I said you look so good today, you might say “Well what do you mean, didn’t I look good yesterday?" and be offended!!

Here are my two basic effective communication techniques. 

1. Do you care? Do they car?. Are you talking to someone who doesn’t care what you’re saying? Well, don’t do that. You can’t force someone to have a flow of understanding with you. And if you don’t care about listening or communicating or flowing the understanding then that might be a place to start. Start to care.

2. Self-monitor. That means take a step back, look at your body over there. Look at how you lean forward or lean back. Can you see your feet and your knees and your wrist and your chest and your head over there? Step out of yourself far enough to see how you were contributing to the flow of understanding. Are you noticing not only how you look or feel BUT about how THEY look? Calibrate how they behave in a way of receiving feedback. Is what you’re saying working or is what you’re saying not working so slow start to say it differently if it doesn’t work? Shift and change so that you get a yes from them or nod.

So as you begin to understand the definition of communication, as you care, as you self monitor, as you notice feedback from the listener you increased your flow of understanding. You get them and they get you. There’s so much more to come and it’s so enlightening to know that you have a lot of power and how you communicate and how you receive communication. 

Thanks for listening and If you enjoyed today's episode I would be grateful if you would leave me a quick review and rating on iTunes (click here) so I have feedback!  Also, subscribe if you haven't already so you can be alerted when a new episode comes out.  That would mean the world to me, thank you so much!

If you want the episode show notes and a full transcript go to www.whatstopsyou.com

I would Love to hear your comments on todays topic!  How this information has helped you?

Talk soon Dar-lings!