Ep. 15 How to Show Love and Fill Your Love Basket

Love, oh love. What is love? How do you show love?

That feeling when I care how you feel is love.

How I feel is love. Let's see now, how do you do it? We have heard about The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. Thank you, Thank you, Gary! My boyfriend and I had a conversation last night about what our love languages we “speak.” We compared them, We trusted them. We decided we have almost the same ones. Yay!

But what do you do if they're different?

You can read Gary’s books to learn all about that. If he doesn’t talk to you in your words of affirmation, then you have to read his language when he smiles at you to know he loves you. Gary Chapman has lots of answers in his book. In fact, I am making it required reading. The five languages are words of affirmation, acts of service, gifts, quality time, and physical touch.

I'm going to go beyond that.

I think there are other ways that people feel loved when they feel heard.

How to show love

I have three kids that if I don't listen to them and feel it like I'm connecting with them, then they're just not telling me what they really need to get off their chest. I could do acts of service, give words of affirmation all I wanted, spend quality time, and I could rub their backs, but if they don't feel heard, they don't feel loved. So there are other ways.

Love Basket

Love languages are one thing, but today I'm going to add onto this and call something a love basket. You have a basket or you can think of it, a bank account or as John Gottman calls it the love tank. Filling up your basket of love for your own self and for each other is the goal! That's really what I want to focus on today. We can show love in love languages and we want to make sure we feel those tanks up all the time however, you “speak” your love languages!

What I want you to do today is really sit and work with your partner and ask, “Is your love tank, (or your love basket) empty or is there a ton in there?”

Fill It Up!

Every time you put something in the basket, it fills it up higher and higher and higher. Let's say, you put rosebuds in there, you clip off the whole rose. It's a little bud you stick it in there and you put more and more in. The more you do in the area of love that is best for them, the higher it gets, and the higher it gets.

Everyone is going to respond to any of these. All of them are for everybody. Gottman explains which are best.

I'm saying do all of them today and fill up the love basket. If your reservoir is low, then you're probably not going to stay together. Assess how full your basket is. It's so fun to fill up baskets.

No matter what your love language is:

Nobody who's going to say they don't appreciate when you stopped by seven eleven and bought them a candy bar, or a Gatorade, or an organic apple.

Nobody's going to say, “I don't really care if you help me in the kitchen, I want you to just stare at me, and let me do it by myself.” (My acts of service are not one of my strong love languages.)

Nobody’s going pass on a celebratory high five for a job well done!

Nobody’s truly going to forgo spending time with friends or family when it pizza/game/movie night.

Nobody’s going to not smile back at you sharing a smile filling up your face with an expression of love.

Nobody’s going to complain about a love note written on a sticky note left on their mirror today, that says, “thank you for being you.”

I want that one on my window or my mirror, my rear view mirror and that'd be cute. You get in your car and there's a sticky note there.

Have you done something for your children today?

Sticky notes are my favorite. I have a hundred podcasts to do on how I use sticky notes with every affirmation. I love them. Loving someone is a really good utilization of a sticky note. Spread those around.

Love texts

How many love texts can you send today? Whatever your love languages, there's no one that's not going to love a text from you saying,

I appreciate you.

You're the best!

Thinking of you.

I just thought of you and it made me smile.

You are the BEST part of my day.

Receive Love

The more you give, the more you get.

Your basket gets filled even more when you give.

It's the coolest mathematical equation. When you give, you get. When you love snow, you feel better. When you love the sun and you're grateful, you get that you are more. You get love and they receive love. And vise versa!

As a couple, how full is your love basket together? Keep it full all the time. Never let it get low. How many love notes can you send today? How many sticky notes will you stick around on this day for those that you love? Have a wonderful loving day and a loving week.